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Original poster

Should I reach out to him - a total stranger?

22 replies

toffeeapple123 · 25/07/2019 21:16

I'm mid 30s, and want to meet someone special to share my life with, and start a family. I've joined various groups, and started hobbies as a way to meet new people. I have almost given up on online dating, because it's just one awful guy after the next.

One of the groups I've joined is a walking group. On my first hike, I met an older women who asked me if I had come across any husband material on the hike we were on. I laughed and said no. She then explained she met a guy on a previous hike who was looking for someone special and he was a total catch and thought he'd be great for me. She told me his name, but I thought nothing of it.

A few days later, I looked him up - and he certainly looks like a catch! I also found out he was going on another hike, so I joined up. But I was unwell on the day so couldn't go.

There is no guarantee he will go on another, and I keep checking all the upcoming events, but it's exhausting having to do this regularly.

I'm wondering if i should just reach out to him? Or would that be totally creepy? I'm not even sure what I'd say...

I'm just feeling so desperate, I can't even find a single man to go on a date with...

OP posts:
user1471504234 · 25/07/2019 22:04

I think maybe wait and see if you can meet him organically first. He might be completely different in real life! Contacting him out of the blue when you have never even met him is at best a bit weird and at worst downright creepy.
If you know that you are desperate (and I know you post a lot on here), it’s good that you recognise this but be careful in case it’s coming across to people you meet... potential dates might find it off-putting.

Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 25/07/2019 22:14

Thanks - I know I shouldn’t reach out to him, I just needed someone to confirm it Grin At times I feel desperate, but don’t show it, don’t worry. I know it’s far better to be alone than with the wrong person.

OP posts:
Hassled · 25/07/2019 22:17

Yes, wait until there's a hike you are both on. He may be a complete non-starter. There will be someone - you're doing all the right things. But it's got to be a someone you know you want to be with.

Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 25/07/2019 22:22

Just thought he might not even go on another hike...

And is it bad to think there must be something wrong with him if he’s good looking, great career etc and single at 40?

I’ve become so jaded...

OP posts:
Highandlow · 25/07/2019 22:42

@toffeeapple123 See what happens organically. You never know!

Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 25/07/2019 23:01

Highandlow probably nothing Grin

OP posts:
rosabug · 25/07/2019 23:06

I'd reach out. Make it light, but honest. Tell him about what the woman said (well an edited version) and ask for a date. Be bold. In some ways I prefer a more structured approach - I find the organic 'natural' way more stressful when I fancy someone.

user1471504234 · 25/07/2019 23:14

He has been on at least 2 of the hikes so will likely go on another! Just make sure you go to as many as you can over the next few weeks. When you do meet him, then is the time to be bold (as long as you actually like him of course!)

MiniTheMinx · 25/07/2019 23:16

Why not speak to the lady again when you see her. Perhaps she could organise a blind date for both of you ?

user1471504234 · 25/07/2019 23:18

Also, if you enjoy the hiking, maybe don’t do anything at this stage that might risk awkwardness... say you texted him out of the blue and got no reply, how would you feel then about future hikes? Just keep going along, get to know people, and also don’t put all your focus onto this man you have never met.
There is not necessarily anything wrong with him if he is single at that age, but maybe get to know him first and then you can see if there is a reason he is single!

15YemenRoad · 25/07/2019 23:59

Please do not reach out, there's a much higher chance of you coming across as desperate and a stalker this way.

There is nothing wrong with what you have said, there could be multiple factors as to why he's single, just like you.

I would suggest just waiting to meet him at the next walk and if you need further information maybe speak to the lady and ask if she can introduce you?

Crunched · 26/07/2019 00:07

And is it bad to think there must be something wrong with him if he’s good looking, great career etc and single at 40?
Yes it is, and hardly conducive to a successful relationship. Please meet him with no preconceptions.

user1471504234 · 26/07/2019 00:11

Seems I might be too invested in this thread but here’s another thought, how well does the lady know him? Well enough to know for sure that he is single? He might be dating someone so technically single but maybe not available. If she knows him well then great, maybe get to know her and ask for an introduction. But if she doesn’t know him well then it’s another reason to wait for a chance to find out for yourself. Good luck!

Mimithemouse · 26/07/2019 10:24

I mean this in the nicest way, but this is one of the most desperate things I've ever heard of.

sonjadog · 26/07/2019 10:31

No, don´t do this. Wait and see if you meet him at a hike.

Original poster
toffeeapple123 · 26/07/2019 11:13

Mimithemouse Haha I don’t think it is. We’re both on a social networking site where you can message other members on the group. Wouldn’t be totally bizarre. That’s why I contemplated it. I’ve had many messages from other group members, although I’ve met most of them briefly at some point

OP posts:
HeckyPeck · 26/07/2019 11:16

Can you message the lady you met on the site?

Maybe she could arrange a blind date for you?

ChristmasFluff · 26/07/2019 11:47

What comes across reading this is that you seem to believe that it is this guy or nothing. That's a lot of expectation to place on a man you've never met, and also shows some sort of strange scarcity consciousness - as though he is the only 'good' man left.

There are literally men everywhere, and I think expanding your social circle as you are is definitely the way to go. As you get friendly with people, let them know you are looking to date, and then like the lady you got chatting to, lots will have friends they can set you up with. People tend to love a bit of matchmaking if you are open to it.

I agree that the very most you should do is message the lady asking her to contact him and say she's met a nice person he might want to meet up with.

BlokeHereInPeace · 26/07/2019 11:52

Life is short. Send him a note. Ask him for a coffee after work or whatever the hiking equivalent is. We only have so many summers left, give it a go.

Bunglefromrainbow · 26/07/2019 15:17

I really don't know why so many are discouraging this. Reach out and be (somewhat) honest about why you are reaching out.

If he never goes on another hike and you look back in 5 years time, still single and wonder what might have been you'll most likely have some regret eating away at you.

In life it is the things that we don't do that we regret, not the things that we do do.

sonjadog · 26/07/2019 17:03

If you are members of the same group where you message each other for other reasons, could you not send him a message about something or other and get into conversation?

waterrat · 26/07/2019 18:07

I'm a pretty outgoing bold person but I think this might be unwise. As someone said ..you sound like you are putting a lot of hope on something with no basis in reality. I think it might not be healthy.

As someone said...it's not this guy or nothing

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