I need advice, one scared lonely mum to be

[T0013412]

Hi ladies, I am really struggling at the minute. I am 10 weeks pregnant with my first baby and I am so so so excited for the arrival of my little one however at the minute it seems my life is up in the air. The babies dad and I were only seeing each other for around 5/6 weeks when I found out I was pregnant which obviously is a less then ideal situation. Further to that, he and his ex only separated in the new year after 5 years of being together and he is still hurting about the whole situation. Over the last few weeks we have really been making a go of things and I thought we were on track, we were handling the situation and we’re going to see how things go. Now he has decided that he needs time to get his head around the situation and he isn’t ready for a relationship 🙁 I don’t want to talk to my friends/family about the situation because obviously he is going to be a permanent fixture in my life regardless of the situation between us and I don’t want to cloud there judgement of him. I have been really moody and obviously getting upset about the situation this last week and he has said that that is pushing him further away. I feel completely lost at the minute, I am currently living with my parents (no environment for a baby) however we were supposed to sign the contract for a house tomorrow (we decided that what ever happens between the two of us at least both parents would have equal time with baba) now he has said he needs time to think about it. I feel so so lost. I fully understand he will not be over the situation with his ex a 5 year relationship is a hard thing to mourn having been there myself, however I feel like I’m being selfish by asking him for commitment now we are having a baby, is this to much considering we have only been going out for 3 months 😩 should I just give him time and see what happens? I should include I overthink every situation anyway and suffer anxiety and panic attacks as it is. Thank you for your help in advance, any advice is massively appreciated xx

I don’t think time will fix things. The reality is you barely know each other and are certainly not ready to live together. You seem to have a very rosy view and obviously wanted a child whereas he hadn’t even begun to get his head around a new serious relationship much less a joint home and child so very soon.

He was stupid not to use contraception in a barely there relationship and now has to live with that decision forever.

@TheStuffedPenguin I think you need to reread your comments and learn how to speak to somebody respectfully. I have a huge issue with your second comment in which you made several assumptions about OP based on not much information. OP is an adult, just like you. You are no better than her, neither is anyone else.

I once got told that if you choose to have a baby accept that you may need to do it alone and think how you will cope.

It’s terribly sad to not be able to rely on the father but right now I think you need to make plans for you and baba. Find out what help you can get. Try to find alternative accommodation etc and go from there.

He may or may not commit at some point but I think for now you need to stop planning your life around his indecision and plan it around the needs of you and your baby

You need to assume that you're going to be a lone parent. Having a baby puts massive strain on a relationship -even if you were together for years. He's understandably getting cold feet about this massive development as it's only been 3 months. If by some miracle you are together when the baby is born then it is better for baby that you are friends with him so that you can co-parent successfully. Don't apply pressure on him to commit to you. He's got lots to get his head round and you should be focusing on laying the groundwork down before baby arrives like saving for maternity leave.

I don’t want to talk to my friends/family about the situation because obviously he is going to be a permanent fixture in my life
Sorry OP but you need their support right now so you MUST speak with them about all of this.
Unsurprisingly, after 3 months, it's a lot for your DP to take on board.
Just give him some space,
It is a lot to ask of someone but it takes two to make a baby.

Plan on being a single parent.
Work out how you will cope with that.
And reach out to family and friends.
They are the people who will get you through this.
And they will always be there for you.