His lawyer has asked to set up mediation

[CheesecakeAddict]

Hi all. I'm hoping to get a bit of advice here as I'm not sure what to think.

2 months ago I left 'd'h as he was physically, emotionally and financially abusive. SS were involved and it was a mess. He had to have supervised contact and the abuse has since been reported to the police.

Anyway, just after I left I said he could have access to DD but it had to be supervised. He was hitting me in front of her and asking her "isn't mummy stupid?". His lawyer emailed me telling me he hit me by accident and it was all a misunderstanding (actually in writing!) 🙄. Anyway, through his lawyer he has been having supervised contact every Sunday.

I've now had another email from his solicitor saying he wants to go into mediation. I am away until pretty much september so will go to the legal aid session then to find out more about my rights.

But what does this mean? I've done some reading but it seems cafcass doesn't recommend it in dv situations. Does this mean he is divorcing me? (Not that it would be a bad thing) what can I expect from the process.

I'm on my arse financially. But don't qualify for legal aid (the lawyer just felt sorry for me and keeps giving me free advice, but if i want to use his services, i will have to pay). So I'm really nervous as i think he is using the cost of lawyers to try and bankrupt me.

You’re entitled to decline mediation and it’s certainly not recommended where there is/has been abuse.

It’s likely it’s the run up to a divorce, yes. Or he’s trying to swing you into unsupervised contact with DC (or both).

You can represent yourself at court, to keep costs down. The paperwork is a ball ache but it’s perfectly doable.

What even is mediation? Just a conversation?

Yes, where you are both present. Totally not recommended for people who are abusive to their partner. You can just say no.

I believe you can have 'shuttle' mediation - with each of you + legal reps in separate rooms.
however I would decline because of the abuse

What does he want the mediation for? Custody? Split of assets?

Find out what the reason is and then decide. I would say shuttle mediation is better, as you don't have to talk to him. You talk via a mediator, who relays what you have to say and you only come together when an agreement has been reached.

Having said all that, you can decline mediation if you wish.

whatever the mediation is for it is not recommended where abuse is alleged or proven. The response needs to be objective and say that because the case involves matters of abuse mediation is not suitable in this instance

@SandyY2K custody yes. We don't have any assets. There's no money and no house. We don't even own our own furniture

You can decline mediation if DV has been involved.

Another one saying avoid mediation (learned through bitter experience, unfortunately). It will be pointless and potentially traumatic as abusers just use it as another way to bully/control you. Good luck x

Hell no! It will be an exercise in him being the victim and you the perpetrator. A parenting agreement can be drawn up without you having to in a room with that pig of a man again.

Thanks. It was just such a shock. We already have an agreement in place, so I'm just at a loss as why he would want to do this. This is probably him trying to get the power back.