Abusive parents

[Mermaidsinthesand]

Dont know where to start on this one.

My parents are early 70s 60s, my dad is emotionally abusive from since I was old enough to realise I've known this. My mother goes along with his crap, thinks the sun shines out if his backside but he can turn on a flick of a switch on her too if something isnt to his liking.

He demands the best food, always demands a new car every year which she pays for. Every little decision has to be 'approved' by him. When I was 16 years old I left home because of the emotional abuse he gave me back then.

Any who over the years I've stopped giving a shit about what he thinks infact I've got no time for him, but what I dont understand is anything I do my mum runs back to tell him to wind him up so he has a go at me, could be minor things such as what I've fed the kids she will act like its poison, telling him to sit back and watch the fireworks so to say, he only goes on what shes said hasnt seen it for himself, yet my mum acts like shes my best friend all the while stabbing me in the back. I dont get it

Can anyone shed light on this? Has this happened to anyone?

Telling him, whilst she sits back watching the fireworks ...that's what I meant

She's just as bad as he is. She fuels his abuse. They both enjoy the drama.

My parents are much the same. Because my father is angry and shouty and intimidating for years I thought he was the bad one, and that my mother was a tragic victim doing the best she could. As I've got older I've realised that she drips a constant stream of poison into his ear, winding him up and setting him off and then playing the victim when he turns. It's so horribly dysfunctional. I realised that I could never change them or live under their shadow and so about five years ago I cut contact with them both. It's been hard since, but my life is better without them in it.

Does she maybe do this to protect herself? If he’s busy hating you, he’s destructed from being emotionally abusive to her?

Exactly what I was going to say @baby2nov2019

Your mum is probably used to his behaviour, in order to protect herself it’s easier to turn the viewpoint to you.
I grew up like this too, and as an adult it’s awful to come to terms with. That both parents have failed you due to their own dysfunctional ways.

I feel like everything I do is watched, everything I say is spoken about and I find it hard to break the cycle really

My sister is golden child cant do anything wrong, I feel jealousy towards this but also sadness that she cant see them like I do.

In abusive homes, people will see things from their own perspective and usually from how they were treated.
It seems to me like you’re the one that sees past the bullsh**.

All you can do if you wish to continue any relationship with them is strict boundaries of what you will/won’t tolerate. X

ColdandSad, my parents are the same, except my dad is the poison and my mum is the angry, loud one.
Psychopath father and narcissist mother.
I don't see them anymore.