Help! Crush/in love with inappropriate person

[ImaginaryGnome]

I am a (generally happily) married woman with DC, a good career and loving friends/family. However, one of my closest friends is male and I have developed really intense feelings for him to the point that I think about him and being with him all the time.

There is absolutely no way anything would ever happen and I am in no doubt that he does not reciprocate these romantic/sexual feelings for me but I cannot squash these feelings and it is driving me mad.

Can anybody help or give me any advice?

I think it's also helpful to remember that it would be strange to live our whole lives only finding one person attractive. Better not to start 'wondering' too much why you have a crush on a particular person - in a way that lends it too much drama.

Just accept its normal and then work out whether you can bring some spark back to the relationship you have committed to.

These things happen to many people and it can be out of the blue! People can develop crushes when married, but acting on them is wrong. You must distance yourself and don’t feed into your crush. Meaning don’t allow yourt to think about him etc.

I think the thing, OP, is whether your marriage is good enough overall to work on. Mine wasn't (XH was a liability). Though if it had been, would I have developed feelings for anyone else? I don't know. I do know that what started as a crush became something much bigger (my former friend and I have been together now for 4 years). But if I had thought my marriage was salvageable, I wonder if I'd ever have had those feelings at all. And, if I had, whether I would have not just 'shelved' them. I'm not sure. I do know for my own part that things have to be catastrophically bad to break up a marriage and a family home.

OP - honestly, address the cracks. I saw them, in hindsight, but addressed them only half heartedly, and my crush (which I didn’t recognise properly until too late) became the beginnings of an affair. It made me focus, but it would have been so much easier if I’d had your insight. Talk to your husband - address the intimacy you’re missing.

Limerence

Also www.livingwithlimerence.net (or .com?!). I found it really helpful.

How would you feel if your husband had felt this way about another woman? Be honest. I imagine you would be distraught but would ultimately want the truth if he was not happy with you.

If you are not happy with your husband and it's evident you are not in love with him, then leave. The decent thing is to walk away and co-parent. Allow him to be with someone who will value and love him and that would also allow you to find someone you can be happy with.

Staying in a relationship while you pine over someone else is wrong. I bet that if this friend of yours had interest in you you would not think twice about crossing lines.

You deserve to be happy, as does your husband. Relationships don't always end because of someone doing something horrendous, sometimes they come to an end as we grow as individuals and our expectations or wants change.

If you actually do want to work it out with your husband then talk to him and be honest and bring that spark back. If it's too late - walk away.