Husband cant ejaculate inside me

[Rowallen]

Bear with me this is long but i just wanted to talk to someone about this.
DH went on an 3 week business trip in 2016, for the first month after he came back he couldn't ejaculate inside me, this had never happened before. Sexually things returned to normal then about six months later he got diagnosed with depression and was put on sertraline. Since going on the medication he has only ejaculated inside me a handful of times in 3 years. He stopped taking medication 6 months ago and I had hoped things would return to normal but not so. We have regular sex but he can only ejaculate by finishing himself off.
He works away during the week and I know he looks at porn, so feel that while that satisfies him I cant.
I've tried talking to him about it but understandably he feels embarrassed about it and I don't want to put pressure on him by bringing it up again.
I just wanted to be able to talk about it to someone. I love him dearly, enjoy going to bed with him and fancy him but I worry I don't do it for him anymore.

What do you mean by putting pressure on him by talking about it?
As long as you think there is no thought of him cheating then I think this sort of thing is best spoken about but in a gentle, non confrontational sort of way.
Coming inside you shouldn’t be essential as you can still have fun and orgasms without that but there is obviously something that is holding him back.

Do you talk with each other about your likes and dislikes with sex? If not I recommend you share a bottle of wine and try and open up with each other. Communication is so important when it comes to sex.

He's very difficult communication wise - just closes up when he doesn't want to talk about something. He has assured me he has never cheated on me after I was upset about the amount of time he was spending alone with a female colleague on an extended international business trip last winter (taking her out shopping and for lunch, long day trips, dinners and drinks at night). I've now been wondering if something happened on the first business trip and the guilt manifested itself during sex.

Porn is the problem here, he has got used to the "death grip ". Google it! It's a common problem for men that use porn a lot. He may have to abstain from porn to see if his sensation comes back.

Think your being very naive here op, both with the effect porn is having on your sex life and his "working" relationship with his colleague.

I wonder how he would feel if you could only finish yourself off during sex because he's not as sexy to you as all the naked men you like to watch all week?🤔

It can take a very long time for things to to back to normal after AntiDs, when you change AntiD due to this you are told it can take upto a year for performance to return to normal.

Ok. So he clearly cheated on you
AND has a porn addiction

Great man

Sadiesnakes by nature I have a jealous streak which I know isn't very attractive so find it hard to figure out when I am being jealous/paranoid or have a right to be suspicious.

SimonJT has this been your experience?

Porn is the issue, it’s called death grip. My DH had been single for a long time before we met and he had it thanks to porn and masturbating too often. He didn’t ejaculate for the first three months of our relationship, it really hurt my feelings. Hasn’t been an issue since he cut down on porn (and cut it out entirely eventually).

taking her out shopping and for lunch, long day trips, dinners and drinks at night)

Pretty sure most would feel a measure of jealousy if their So treated their work colleague with the above.

Think you can ad gas lighter to porn addict and an emotional cheater at best.

He's not even half as good as you are trying to convince yourself he is.

I've now been wondering if something happened on the first business trip and the guilt manifested itself during sex.

I think you're right to wonder.

Something clearly happened on that trip.

@Rowallen Yes, although for me sertraline is the only one that doesn’t cause it, the other three I tried did. It didn’t bother me hugely, but my partner at the time made it into a big issue, which then meant I was under pressure to cum, which funnily enough stopped it happening. I was sick of being treated as some sort of sperm machine so I left, with new partners and no pressure it hasn’t been a problem since.

Thanks for getting back to me SimonJT, that's why I'm worried about bringing it up again, I don't want to make the situation any worse.

I agree with Sadiesnakes

Not exactly a great partner is he?

My now husband had this and it took a year before he could. It was death grip and porn as well as a bit of performance anxiety. He had to completely stop porn and madturbation for a few weeks in the end. It was more of an issue in our case as we wanted to try to conceive in the future

I'm afraid it sounds like my XH and his addiction/preference for porn.

OP there's a great deal of issues to unpack in your post-lack of honest communication between you and your spouse,sexual intimacy difficulties and a potential affair between your husband and a coworker! I cannot imagine my partner unable to talk openly and honestly to me if he were unable to ejaculate. Whatever happened that trip greatly affected him. You both need marital counseling-if he refuses then am I staying in this relationship discussion will have to occur to put your mind at ease if he refuses to talk with you

Do you have DC?
Do you want DC?

Google 'Death Grip' and 'Porn addiction'
This is his problem.
And I would bet money that he has cheated.

Thanks EKGEMS I know its a lot going on and I don't know whether it is all linked or I am being paranoid. I know the only way to find out is to talk about it but I don't want to be seen as the nagging insecure wife who wont let things go. There lies the problem, I shouldn't be afraid to talk.

hellsbellsmelons we have dc. I do believe that he wasn't physically unfaithful on the winter trip but think he may have been on the verge of in an emotional affair.

I really hate to say it but I would say something happened.
My ex went away for a trip and wouldn't have sex with me at all for weeks after. Turned out he cheated and got an sti and didn't want to get caught.

Well I can't orgasm through penetration either, so I'd never judge a partner for not being able to. ADs are renowned for causing retarded orgasm or complete loss of libido.

I would take the pressure off completely by taking penetrative sex off the menu and just concentrate on oral and mutual masturbation for now. Ask him to be honest (with himself, if not with you) about whether death grip may be an issue here. It is fixable but he'll need to re-train himself to get used to the gentler stimulation of vaginal sex.

Death grip effect can happen to women as well BTW. After I split with my H I went on a bit of a sex toy and porn binge, gradually using more and more high powered toys (Hitachi Magic Wand etc) After about 6 months I felt ready to start casual dating again, guy went down on me, I felt NOTHING. It takes discipline to re-train your penis/clit to be stimulated by lighter (ie human) touch, but unless you do, you'll be resigned to a life of only orgasming through masturbation rather than with a partner.

Firstly, he needs to lay off the porn and masturbation and see if that makes s difference.

But secondly, there’s a huge emphasis on the male orgasm as being something that should come easily (excuse the pun) and that puts an awful lot of pressure in a lot of men. How many women can’t orgasm from penetrative sex alone and need manual stimulation? (awful phrase but ykwim.) Yet we expect men to be able to come just through PIV and tie so much emotion up in that if they can’t always.

Are you sure he isn’t hoodwinking you?

Anecdotally, I’ve heard it’s some men’s least favourite way of finishing