wwyd - feels like parents rubbing nose in favouritism

[tararua]

I am the black sheep of the family. DM disliked me from birth and has never had the mental or emotional tools to do anything about it - she is the victim in every situation. DF enables her and has labelled me a waste of space after trying to shoehorn me into fulfilling his failed career aspirations. Dsis plays along a lot, thinks i am not nice enough to parents and too self-focused, meanwhile gets weekly financial and practical help from parents - to the tune of gigantic expensive wedding, house deposits, cars, household appliances, designer clothes, holidays, school fees, expensive extracurricular activities, multiple weekly babysitting... all while Dsis's husband is a city lawyer and they are extremely well-off.

Meanwhile i live overseas, somewhere cheap. I have paid my own way entirely since university. Zero help on offer from parents, as well as a lot of nastiness from mother. My DS has a disability, so we are spending a lot (tens of thousands) on therapy privately... as well as needing to replace our car, our roof, etc etc. Parents know this.

My parents have for years dangled in front of me how much they spend on Dsis and her family. Casually mentioning how much her wedding cost, that they have bought her a car, a house deposit, a new carpet, a vacuum cleaner, paid for her renovations, paid for her kids' prep school and seriously expensive hobbies, etc. They all go out to dinner in extremely expensive restaurants all the time. DF pays. DF also passes on everything he can to my sister - eyewateringly expensive cameras and lenses, a piano, a seriously good telescope, bookshelves, etc etc.

So this week DF pointed out that he has bought granddaughter a hobby item that cost tens of thousands.

I responded by pointing out we are spending tens of thousands on therapy for our disabled son, and we are paying our own way and always have because no support of any sort has ever been on offer, and that given that our situation also involves spending tens of thousands on a new roof and a new car, frankly we'd rather not know about the hobby item, thanks.

The shit has hit the fan, naturally. Mother reckons I am a mean-spirited person for not wishing my niece joy in her lovely charmed little life. I am apparently jealous of niece and her present, and this is why nobody would ever want to help me.

So far i have ignored it all.

I already live overseas, I am already low contact. I have already had therapy. But I've never before blown up at DF in his look-at-me-aren't-I-nice little bubble of providing for his lovely family. I think he hadn't really thought it all through - I think he thought he was just being nice and that if I ever wanted help I'd ask for it.

So I apologise? Do I just ignore it all and let them go? Argggh.

Why don't you ask them for cash for your ds? Do you think they'd say no?

They sound awful! Well done for pointing out that they're terrible parents/grandparents because they are!

Your 'd' sis sounds awful. To be well off (city lawyer dh) and still accept even more money? Vile, just vile.

I'm always amazed at these favouritism threads, I truly find them unbelievable. I could never favour one of mine over the other.

They all sound charming-NOT!

There is nothing you can say or do that will make any difference to their behaviour or indeed will end up with you better off. Best to go NC. It will make you feel better being free from constantly being compared to your sister, financially or otherwise.

They all sound ghastly OP.
Shame on them.

Your sister sounds awful too, to accept where there's no need, and not to remind her parents, don't forget OP.

NC could be best for you.

Definitely do not apologise.

I would text back "you both are SHAMEFUL grandparents with your lack of interest and support of your grandchild. I most definitely will not apologise. I have spoken the truth, shame on you both".

The word shame will sting them OP, and they should be.

Best of luck.

My parents did this to me repeatedly. I ditched them. No regrets.

Do not apologise for them having favourites. My mother is similar. Favoritism is entrenched in her side of the family. It's horrible but at least in my case it hasn't done the favourite any favours in the long run. I am low contact and no contact with one sibling. Best way.

Go no contact. They will never be the people or parents you want them to be and contact is only making you feel awful

I would write to them telling them how their favouritism makes them shit parents who should be ashamed of their behaviour. I would actually write it all down to get it all out and send it to them.

At that point I would go NC.

They are terrible parents and grandparents and I would want to make sure they knew this. Then I would not allow them the right to reply - they don’t deserve it. If any emails or letters come to you delete or return unopened. Block social media and telephone numbers. Then continue with your life knowing you are living the next life possible without this toxicity.