DH and I have been together for 12 years, we are now 30. He has a habit of lying to me and gaslighting me over things he finds embarrassing. He is not emotionally available and stonewalls me. We have not dtd much over the last couple of years and when we have it feels “off”. We have 2 DC and he is a wonderful DH in the sense that he contributes to the home and children in a way most would dream of.
He came home on Friday night after a work night out and was in the bathroom for 30 minutes. Finally, the rage hit me. We discussed porn, I told him some of the research. We discussed our marriage and how lonely I was. He maintained that he was absolutely not watching porn that evening but does sometimes.
We dtd and connected a LOT over the intervening days and he continued to insist he wasn’t doing anything that night. We discussed his behaviours that are damaging. He was open with feelings and was “totally honest”. I begged him to tell the truth explaining that the porn was neither here no there but the gaslighting was so damaging.
Last night he came home and finally decided to tell me the truth. On top of his porn habit he has been getting busy over the social media of his coworkers and our friends. He has always displayed himself as a “feminist man” and I am mortified that he would degrade our friends and his coworkers and then look them in the eyes.
The worst part is the 5 days of gaslighting. I cannot trust a word he says. He will always lie to suit himself - what else is he hiding? We passionately dtd, connected and I was so vulnerable with him for 5 days. I feel like he’s taken my last bit of dignity.