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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

When you don’t know how you feel

7 replies

Imakitchensink · 24/07/2019 22:55

I literally do not know what to do. So we’ve been together 13 years, married 6 and 2dcs. The last 3ish years have been very up and down and we’ve discussed splitting a couple of times as I wasn’t sure how I felt.
It’s been a year since the last discussion where we decided to work on it again and I can feel the doubts and niggles creeping back in, I’m just not sure I’m in love with him anymore. I’m not the same person who he got with when I was just a teenager and I just think we want different things.
He can be difficult at times, he can go on about sex etc which I don’t want at the moment and there are times he’s been just horrible. But on the other hand he can be lovely, he provides for us and he loves me and the kids so much. It’s not a bad marriage at all but I feel myself rebelling against it. I feel Boone takes me seriously and I hate being dependent on him.
I just don’t want to hurt anyone and I’m worried I’ll regret it and have broken the kids hearts for my own selfish reasons.
I just feel shit and don’t know what to do or feel.

OP posts:
CursedDiamond · 25/07/2019 09:59

I've recently had some counselling, OP, and what the counsellor got me to do maybe will help you. She told me to stop trying to work out how i 'felt' because my emotions were a mess. She instead told me to try and work out the 'facts' - what worked in my relationship and what didn't. It's taken me some time, but it was really helpful, and has been really useful in being able to articulate my actual feelings to my DP.

Jellyflower · 25/07/2019 11:04

I'm so glad to have seen this. I have signed up to mumsnet because of this. I am going through the same thing I haven't been with my partner as long as you but I am going through the same as you. I think the problem is I'm not in love with him but I still love him so much and don't want to hurt him and everyone else .
I'm planning to talk to him in a couple days when we aren't so busy and tell him everything because I don't know what to do anymore I have been trying to make it work but I can't. Also the sex thing I thought it was just me not wanting it for my own reasons but I think it is more because I am just really not into him like that anymore I don't know, it's hard to know whether this is all real what I'm feeling or whether I am feeling these things because I'm depressed so it is so hard to act upon. Have you tried speaking to your partner again recently about it ? And when you guys did talk before how did you bring it up? Sorry this is supposes to be helping you not me Shock xx

Imakitchensink · 25/07/2019 14:16

Thank you diamond, that’s actually sounds really useful so I’ll try and do that. I’ve considered counselling myself so I think I’ll look into it again.
I’m sorry you feel this way too jelly, it’s tough isn’t it? Almost like living a lie.
And of course he’s being extra nice this week which makes it harder. I also think the sex thing is actually him as I can sort myself out Blush and can fantasise about other men.
Last time we spoke about it, he asked me what was wrong and I told him I wasn’t sure I loved him anymore and he said he would leave and I panicked and begged him to stay. Obviously amongst all the other stuff. Then I regretted it but tried for his and the kids sake. And it’s been ok. But the niggling feeling hasn’t gone away.
I just feel restricted here. We argue about money all the time when he actually earn loads but it’s all spent on stuff such as cars etc. I would rather downsize our stuff and be secure and go on holiday but he doesn’t want that and he then just gives me shit about it.
I just think my priority’s are different now I’m older and the kids are older, we got together when I was quite young and had kids quick so it’s all I’ve ever known.

OP posts:
madeabooboo · 25/07/2019 19:30

Imagine how you would feel if he announced he was leaving you for someone he has been seeing for a while behind your back
Would you feel utterly devastated and be unable to go on or would you feel relieved and help him pack?

Imakitchensink · 25/07/2019 20:23

I think I’m would be pretty upset but I’d feel more relieved that I’d have a ‘reason’ to leave him which I know shows exactly what I feel ☹️

OP posts:
boymum9 · 25/07/2019 20:45

@Imakitchensink sorry you're going through this. I was having very similar feelings for a quite a while (for reference, together 12 years, married for 5, 2 young DC's)

Over Christmas time (awful timing!) things just got too much and I ended up telling him how I felt, that I wasn't happy etc. I hadn't felt sexually attracted to him for a while, I felt miserable and grumpy when I saw him, anxiety had got quite bad, couldn't get myself to do things day to day, take the kids out etc. Something in me clicked when we were on holiday in California (from the uk) and were on the beach and I just felt an overwhelming sense of not wanting to be there. He was obsessive about sex (it felt like to me) and I felt like he was always talking about it, grabbing me, making comments and I hated it. He also lies a lot about little pointless things and I'd never been able to trust him fully. But he was generally a good husband, wonderful father, good provider, loving etc.

We're now separated and have lived apart since April, a lot of crappy stuff has happened between us since January to now (too much to go into, but showed I had the right to question a lot that had gone on in the relationship and be untrusting of him) and I am so much happier, there are obviously a lot of struggles and new challenges to deal with, but I myself am happier, my children are happier because I'm calm and enjoyable to be around and do things with them, I don't have a lot of the anxiety I'd had for the last however many years. We have a good relationship despite some of the stuff that's happened and always put our children first, all spend time together and show them that there is still love between us.

All I can suggest is maybe that you trial a separation? Perhaps even stay in the same house (we did, we never saw other people or anything, but the space of sleeping separately, not cuddling up etc gave us a natural progression to the decision we made to then live separately) good luck, take time, don't rush anything Thanks

madeabooboo · 25/07/2019 21:03

@Imakitchensink I know how you feel exactly

How old are your kids (sorry if I missed)

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