Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

We agreed no commitment so why do I feel like this...

12 replies

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 24/07/2019 21:53

I have been seeing a guy for a little while. We agreed no commitment we both are very busy at the moment and dont really have time to fully commit to a relationship. We get on really well when we see each other and message all the time however I think I now like him more than he likes me. I am almost certain he sees other people which I guess should be fine as we agreed to no commitment but I hate that thought. I think I do want something more but I dont want to lose what we have and I know a commited relationship is not what he is looking for.
I know I should stop contact really but its sooo hard because I really do like him but I'm worried the longer this goes on the deeper I will fall and then the harder it will be.
I guess I just need someone else to tell me to man up and move on!

OP posts:
OurChristmasMiracle · 24/07/2019 21:59

Not necessarily man up and move on. Man up and say ask him where he sees this going.

Me and my current boyfriend were seeing each other for around 6 months and then one night when a (rather attractive) guy asked me for my number I just replied “sorry I have a boyfriend” and in that moment I realised that was what I wanted was to be in a relationship so I asked him. Turned out neither of us had been seeing anyone else Blush

2 years on from then and we are still very much happy and in love. I would say it’s better to ask and move on than to assume and move on and never really know and regret it.

crappyday2018 · 24/07/2019 22:25

I agree, I would just tell him you've changed your mind and would like a committment from him. If he says no, at least you tried. I would definitely end it at that point though.

31RueCambon · 24/07/2019 22:30

Oh I've been here. It's torture and it erodes your self-esteem.

I agree with PP, tell him you've changed your mind about the sort of relationship that is right for you.

You'll end up feeling ''not good enough'' if you stick with crumbs knowing /suspecting he has other irons in the fires.

Highandlow · 24/07/2019 22:41

Tell him how you feel - best of luck :)

ConfCall · 24/07/2019 22:48

You’ve nothing to lose by telling him. If he’s a decent bloke he’ll let you down gently in the event he’s uninterested. Don’t be tempted to stay with him if he faffs about and seems disinclined to commit though - the precariousness will drive you nuts.

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 24/07/2019 23:13

Thanks I guess I will ask. Its horrible though isn't it the possibility of not hearing what you want to and then it's so final! I think will ask next time we meet as opposed to on text though

OP posts:
OurChristmasMiracle · 25/07/2019 10:15

Thing is asking is scary but even if you don’t get the answer you are hoping for in the long term it is less painful than waiting hoping he will one day say he wants to be in a relationship with you

Hidingwhoiam · 25/07/2019 10:34

I know I should stop contact really but its sooo hard because I really do like him but I'm worried the longer this goes on the deeper I will fall and then the harder it will be.

You reason for not breaking it off, is that you really like him and know you will get hurt.

OP, me and dp started as fwb. I ended up feeling like you and nearly called it off and cut contact through fear. I posted here, under a different name. I was, very nicely, told I was off my head to not at least have the cinverstation.

The reason for that was me and him used to see eachother everyday, even not having sex, used to do our weekly shopping together because we ate most of meals together. He asked me to stay with him for a few weeks when I was, moving from rental to my bought house, when i kobed in he helped me move and decorate it ready for my kids. He would stop in each night and morning, before and after his night shift. On a morning one if us would prepare breakfast and the other my sons packed lunch. On an evening we would cook together. When my son was ill, he would still stop off but not come in, just drop something as a gift for ds. Ds had met him as he was a family member of a friend, so only met him in passing, but he still didnt intrude on mine and ds time together. He respected my boundaries regarding ds.

We were like a couple and it was quite obvious to mners that he wanted the same. The next morning he came in a cuddled me and then we had the converstation. A year later, we are happier than ever.

But, as I said, it was obvious he wanted more too. So the question is, how sure are you he doesnt want more?

I believe DP didnt, I think, as a form of self preservation. It took other people to knock some sense into me. I would think about that, if you are absolutely sure he doesnt want more and you cant take the rejection, dont do it.

If you prefer to just know either way, it makes sense to just speak to him.

Jumpinginwithbothfeet · 25/07/2019 17:22

Hidingwhoiam we dont have the kind of relationship you did. He messages a lot but more general things not really asking after me or hows my day been etc

We share a similar sense of humour and always easy to talk with face to face but I'm just not getting the vibe he is that into me for me.
I end up doubting myself a lot I think I will ask because I need the closure if it's a no which I suspect it will be

OP posts:
Loopytiles · 25/07/2019 17:24

Suggest telling him you’re now looking for an exclusive relationship, so will no longer be seeing him unless he feels likewise.

rosevalentine · 25/07/2019 19:41

I think you need to be honest, however for all the stories of men wanting more there are many more who don't and I think you need to prepare for that.

Good luck OP.

VixenSixen · 25/07/2019 21:33

I wasted six months of my life on a man who made me feel exactly as you did..... Do yourself a favour and ask him. Outright, honestly..... Hearing what he has to say will just cement your decision in your mind and make it easier to make that break away.

There's something really liberating about saying to yourself, well that was fun and I had a really great time but I really deserve better than what you're offering me here so thanks but no thanks, this setup isn't for me.

Wish him well and focus your efforts on someone worthy of your time and energy.

Time is precious, and so is your self esteem and self worth. XX 🌈✨

New posts on this thread. Refresh page