Dumped and devastated

[herbsmokedchicken]

My DP...or ex DP I suppose I need to say now...broke up with me on Sunday. He’d been slowly falling out of love with me and when he was away with work last week he realised it was time. I was then away so didn’t happen until Sunday. I had twigged something was wrong so I was expecting it a little bit but yet it was still a shock and I’m devastated. We hadn’t been together all that long really, 10 months, but we had gotten intense very soon. I don’t know if maybe it was too intense and fear has made him back away, he said he didn’t know himself why it’s happened and I believe him as he is generally a very honest person. I’m just so so sad and I keep texting my friends to say I’m sad so I thought I’d make a forum post to say I’m sad instead.
I know one day I’ll be OK. But waiting to be OK is just hideous. Especially as I’ve accidentally let a little spark of hope in that maybe with time he will change his mind. But I don’t really think he will. It may even be for the best. But I’m just so saaaaaaaaaad!

Very early days. You will be ok but you sound vulnerable to being talked round again if he comes back. I would recommend no contact/delete etc. Good luck.

Better it’s happened after 10 months with no ties such as DCs or marriage/house. You can walk away and heal. I know this probably isn’t much consolation for you at the moment, but it’s early days and you just need to take each day as it comes. Things will get better OP.

Ahh,dont be sad. I know it's so hard,but you will feel better soon. Try not to think about him and get out with friends as much as you can x

He realised when away with work? I'd put money on there being another woman. Does he work with anyone that might be a match?

It might be worth finding out to stamp out that glimmer of hope and help you move on

When a short, intense relationship ends it can be devastating because you’re grieving the absence of the future you’d envisaged with him. So don’t feel daft because it’s “only” ten months since you met him. You’re entitled to these feelings.

Keep busy and keep away from him on social media.

Thanks for the support! I know I’ll be OK, I just hate waiting to be OK!

Re other woman, definitely not, it’s more that the extra time away from me cemented his feelings. I had vaguely noticed the change before then, before he went away with work, it was just that week that I really knew something was up. It’s the first serious relationship for both of us and I think one day I’ll look back and think it was probably never destined to last but right now all I can think of is how much I want him back.

@Countrypie I could definitely be talked round! But he is not the sort of person to change his mind so I don’t think it’s going to happen. He has thought it through and it’s what he wants and I don’t think anything I can do will change that altho can’t help having the odd moment of hope.

I’m already feeling better than I was initially but just keep getting hit by these waves of sadness. Again I’ll probably look back one day and think I was naive but we honestly both thought this was it, we’d found The One.

Keep busy and clean your phone out - delete photos and block! You’ll feel so much better for it!!!

Read a book called ' It's called a break up because it's broken.'

Might help.

Feeling a bit more low today. I spent years having unrequited crushes on people. When I finally met someone who liked me back, my biggest fear was that he’d see the light and fall out of love with me. And he did.

Saw him last night, he dropped off my stuff and we were going to just have a chat in the car but ended up going for a spin. Actually ended up having a weirdly good time despite lots of crying, it felt very natural and like when we were friends and came away feeling very positive but unsurprisingly wilted throughout the rest of the night which i was expecting. We spent the weekends together and was so hard when it got to the time we would usually be cuddling up for the night. I’m going to miss not just specifically him but having a boyfriend, having someone to cuddle and kiss and hold hands with, altho I’m determined not to rush into something new.
Going to bed and seeing the bag of my stuff from his house in my room did break me a bit. I’ll be ok and compared to monday I’m so much better but I’m so sad. Now the shock is easing I can accept we were probably always destined to just be a short, intense fling but we both honestly thought we’d be together forever.

we were going to just have a chat in the car but ended up going for a spin

Make sure you avoid this in future, it will just add fuel to the fire of "but maybe he'll come back!!!"

As per your last post, you're doing much better, so keep on keeping on.

Ahh lovely, its not nice is it. I think a lot of relationships break at around 10 months, when one person realises it’s not actually long-term right. I remember years ago being in an 11 month one and thinking it was going to last long-term...when I was dumped I felt so sad and rejected. But you know what? I’m happily married to someone who suits me much much more.
Try and learn from the experience. You deserve someone who really appreciates you for you.

Yes it’s pretty hideous altho I’m glad we met today as I realised he is definitely not going to change his mind. I said above it’s our first serious relationship and probably didn’t really highlight that was actually our only relationship ever for both of us despite being in our late 20s. We both were so worried we weren’t “normal” so I think we both taught each other how to be with someone (like physically not just a relationship), and it was such a lovely 10 months. As much as I hurt now, I’m a rational person and I know I’ll be ok, just hate this part of healing like right now it’s bizarre to even think of being attracted to someone else, but logically I know I will be one day.