Self harming when argue with partner

[8kaylee7]

I need some advice of anyone that has been in this situation and seen light at the end of the tunnel when I feel really down or more so when I argue with my partner is will self harming by scratching at my arms till they bleed sometimes I don't now I am doing it other times I do it as it makes meverything feel better in that moment I have been to a councillor I have got a bridge worker but sometimes I feel like I am on the right path them something comes and pushes me right back of my youngest has seen my arm this morning asked me what happened and give me her frozen plasters and she is only 4!

I'm so sorry to hear this. Is your partner abusive towards you, do they know that you self harm?

No he isnt abusive he can be very opinionated and he is never in the wrong he has control of the money and sleeps all day yea they are aware that when I get streased do it i am very disappointed in myself as I haven't done it for a while 😟 x

How long have you been with him?

What's good about your partner?

No he isnt abusive he can be very opinionated and he is never wrong he has control of the money and sleeps all day

Yes he is abusive. Those things you mention are emotional and financial abuse.

Is the bridge worker a support worker? Have you spoken to them about the self harm, and your relationship issues?

Why does he sleep all day, does he not work?

If he has total control of the family money that is financial abuse OP, abusive doesn't always mean physical violence. I used to self harm in a similar scenario, it was because I could no longer cope with the emotional/mental abuse and gaslighting that was being inflicted on me. I didn't know these were 'things' until I started reading Mumsnet and other online articles about abuse. Is there other stuff going on in your life OP that is stressful? Are you going to see a councillor regularly?

I would also say that he is abusive.

does he work nights if he needs to sleep all day.

Hi OP,
I dont have a partner but, I do struggle with self harm when I get to overwhelmed. Are you in a position to speak to someone to get help?

I see a therapist and being able to talk to her is helping and allow me to realise that it's a coping method.

Hi op, i used to self harm as a teenager, stopped doing it when i got with my 1st boyfriend as he didn't like it and made me promise not to do it again. When i got with my 2nd boyfriend i ended up doing it again sometimes when we argued, he also was very opinionated and he is never in the wrong ,which made it very difficult for me to get my point across and be listened to, and the self harming was a release.
I eventually broke up with him when I accepted I was more stressed with him than on my own (realised this when he left me to 'punish' me and i was more stressed about the thought of him coming back than not seeing him again).
It was only after we'd broke up that i realised he was abusive, which is crazy when i look back as he was so abusive, just not physically... (Well apart from squashing my ribs together so hard i couldn't breathe (play-fighting) and punching me in the face whilst i slept (he must have done it while he was sleeping/dreaming)...
Funnily enough i haven't even thought about self harming since he's been gone. Not that my life since has been perfect, it's been hard, but I'm not taking a mental battering anymore and i think it was the relentlessness of that, with nowhere to get away from it that pushed me over the edge.
I do hope you manage to get some space to just think about your relationship, because while you may have an urge to self harm, I guarantee that this relationship is doing nothing to help your mental health and instead is actually damaging it. All you need is the space to see it clearly for what it is.

I think you have to separate the self harm issue from that of your partner. They are different things, both of which you need to deal with.

Seek profrssiobal help to stop it. You have a child. You should not have let her see it IMO.

I have been with him 5 years this August he has always worked hard till recently he has been diagnosed with COPD and emphysema he has getting his days and nights mixed up i didn't exactly want my daughter to see my arm normally I would have my dressing gown on or a long sleeve top but she came into my room in the morning, yes he has control of the money coz it goes into his bank account but he makes sure all the bills and whatever ever else are payed if in want anythino I get it yes I may have to ask like a child asking for their poclerk money and my bridge worker is a little like a councillor but a lot more we go out for a coffee go out for summit to eat just go for a walk and chat she has getting me into voluntary work also

Also I'm not blaming my partner for me self harming it's my way of coping it all started 13 years ago when I was with my ex to which I have 2 children with he used to beat me up mess with my mind and sexual abuse me the he abused 2 13 year old girls and got put on the sex offenders register and has since harassed me for the past 13 yrs