What the hell happened!?

[confused101013]

Was seeing a guy for about 3 - 4 months, we were exclusive as he had asked me.

In the beginning everything was amazing, he told me he loved me after our fourth date, treated me amazingly, I felt so comfortable, he would stay over and we wouldn't sleep, we were just up all night talking. The only thing that was a problem was the sex, he could get hard during foreplay but never hard for sex. Anyways, this man told me I was the only woman he'd ever loved, how he'll support me through everything etc. He would text me and everyday, and offer to bring me things when I was unwell.

Just before our first argument 4 weeks ago, the texts started to slow down, he wasn't as flirty as usual, taking longer to respond. I thought it was a natural progression as our texting was sustainable. Shortly after I noticed that, we had an argument, where I would say I was mainly in the wrong. For two weeks he refused to see me, I admit I chased him, apologising profusely.

Eventually after 2 weeks he agree to meet me, we both agreed to give things another shot and try get back to normal but he wasn't very forthcoming in discussing it. Everything was fine but the texts were still very dry from his side. I went to his the other night and he was what I can only describe as cold and indifferent. He would barely come near me, not asking me any questions, just wanted to sit in his house the full night doing nothing. So after a few hours of uncomfortableness, I asked him if he would like me to leave as he seemed tired, he basically said do what you want, I don't mind. So I left.

The next morning he text me and he then said after I left he went for a few beers with some mates. At this point I just knew it was over, it wasn't some big punch to the gut, it was just an acceptance finally that he wasn't into me anymore and had entered the indifference stage and so I had to enter that stage too.

We wished each other the best and said no hard feelings.

I am feeling okay but I am I being unreasonable to wonder what the fuck happened?

I mean this man at the start was telling me how he couldn't live without me, inviting me to trips and weddings and telling me he'd do anything for me. How can you suddenly just go cold and cut someone out? I begged for a discussion but never got a straight answer so I'll never know.

90 percent sure there is no one else involved but I could be wrong.

The first red flag was telling you he loved you after the fourth date.

It looks like a fast burner.

And whatever happened I'd say it was him and not you. It looks like you had a lucky escape.

Honestly? When someone's all "I love you more than the moon and the stars" after only a couple of weeks they're completely emotionally illiterate; don't trust a word that comes out of their mouths. People like this no doubt believe what they're saying, but it's not based on anything you can depend on - like actually knowing someone. It's a capricious feeling based on the exhilaration and ego boost that comes with it. And it disappears just as quickly and just as completely as it comes on.

That's not love.

I would be deeply, deeply suspicious of anyone who's so utterly, blindly sure they couldn't live without you after only a couple of months.

But why? What's the point? Why bother?

OP, it’s called love bombing. It’s designed to hook you in, after which they either go on to abuse you or get a power trip from dumping you.

What happened was
He's an emotional vacuum who can't form genuine connections with women so he fakes the serotonin rush of 'falling in love'. That gives him a high but like any chemical replacement for a real feeling it's transient.
Once you stop giving him the high (because you reveal yourself to be a real person with your own wants and needs) then you stop being valuable to him and he will discard you and move on.
He probably doesn't realise he's doing this but will think he just needs to keep looking for 'the one' who will fill his perfect specifications and never stop giving him a buzz. Obviously that person doesn't exist.

If a person tells you they love you after 4 dates they are lying. Either to you or themselves. Never fall for that.

But why? What's the point? Why bother?

Because it feels good.

Hi OP, I agree with all the others. Not sure I can explain why but I think people like this love the excitement of meeting someone new and falling madly in love. Its based on a fairytale for them, rather than reality. When reality sets in e.g. they start to really get to know the person and their good and bad points, the fairytale comes crashing down. The excitement then disappears and they realise that actually, you aren't the one after all.
Maybe its because they are so desperate to find the one, they rush into every single relationship. Or maybe its another reason.
For future, just be VERY wary of any guy who declares love so quickly because more often than not, they will be the same type of guy as this one. Lesson learned.

They love that initial ‘rush’ and once it goes away and gets back to what’s normal they need that rush again

Didn't it scare you op that someone told you they loved you the 4th time they met you? That in itself frightens me!

Lucky, lucky escape. If it feels too good to be true - it usually is.

Let it go and move on - he is emotionally warped, that's the only answer you need. Thank goodness he showed his true colours so quickly!

Wow - you ignored a lot of red flags with this one OP.
Please google
'love bombing'
'stonewalling abuse'
'porn death grip'
'withdrawal of affection'
'abuse hot and cold'

You dodged a bullet.
But please look out for the red flags and end things far sooner next time.
WHY??? Because he can and because you enabled it.
Never ever I admit I chased him, apologising profusely do this again!

What happened? You dodged a bullet, that's what happened. Agree with previous posters, this is not a good man. Be kind to yourself and move on.

Too much too soon. Lucky escape !

What was the argument about? Maybe the issue, or the way you handled it, was the dealbreaker? Men who say they love you very early are not necessarily rats....it might be easier to think that...but it was the argument in this situation according to the OP

But everyone's going to have arguments, Fizzysours, in a relationship it can't be avoided. It doesn't sound as though this man was interested in resolving the argument (as you'd think he would be if he was really 'in love' with OP). The argument meant that he started to see her as a real person, not the perfect princess he'd built her up to be in his mind.

Anyone who says they 'love' you when they don't know you warts and all, is deceiving themselves.

Why bother?
To hook you in should he decide to keep you.

“In the beginning everything was amazing, he told me he loved me after our fourth date.”

That’s not ‘amazing’, that’s disconcerting and sets alarm bells clanging. He ‘loves’ you after four dates? But he barely knows you...only a shyster with a self-serving agenda would make such flattering yet unrealistic claims. It’s in order to manipulate you.

I second everything Hellsbells said!