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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why is it so hard to accept a sibling who is a bully and mentally unstable? How do other people cope?

4 replies

hellobello · 31/07/2007 10:35

My brother is a mad bully and I don't want to have anything to do with him unless he seeks professional help. He married someone who already has lots and lots of children and problems. He now has a dd and another on the way. SS aren't worried although the police have been in to break up quite serious fighting. The NSPCC can't intervene at this point. It seems that bullying and mental abuse goes without saying. I shudder to think how the one-year-old is doing. My dad's behaviour has always been controlling, abusive and violent. My mum comes from a relatively 'normal' family. I have suffered a lot over my life because of the abuse. Now my bloody brother is continuing in the same vein. It's sometimes easier said than done to avoid family members, but I really don't like seeing my brother very much. If I see him, I expect I will tell him exactly how I feel, but even so, I would do better to talk to a wall because a wall won't be so stupid. I am very upset by my idiot brother's stupid behaviour and his total denial and lack of insight.

How do other people cope in this difficult situation, to stop themselves being drawn down to the same level of hell. It really is hell.

I have more-or-less come to terms with my father, but I cannot go through the whole thing again with another nutter.

OP posts:
Twinkie1 · 31/07/2007 10:37

SOunds like my sister sort of whoI have nothing to do with anymore - her violent temper and mood swings which dictated half my life still continue and to be honest I don;t need it - I am an adult and choose not to have anything to do with her - or my mad fater and wicked stepmonster either but thats a whole other story.

You either have to bite your tongue and say nothing or walk away and have nothing to do with them I think.

themoon66 · 31/07/2007 10:40

I can empathise, having a crazy bully for a sister myself. I have managed to avoid her in person, on the phone and I ingore her emails.

It can be done.

Life has been much happier for me these last three years.

hellobello · 31/07/2007 19:00

I remember reading a book by Dorothy Rowe and her saying that she meets these people who have been described as witches and monsters, but who appear quite normal. I expect Fred West appeared normal to lots of people.

OP posts:
skyatnight · 31/07/2007 22:36

I have a sister who thinks she is my mother. Our mother died when we were younger. She tries to live my life for me (I'm nearly 40). She won't stop at just offering advice but keeps on at me like a dog with a bone and is only satisfied that she has got through to me when I finally lose it and have a stand-up row with her.

This pattern repeats itself over and over again - depressingly predictable - despite the fact that we both understand the situation well. I sometimes dread seeing her. She won't accept, despite my repeatedly telling her, that I don't answer to her.

Unfortunately or fortunately she is also a good and interesting person and I do want (that side of) her in my life. I just wish that I didn't have to take the bad with the good but it seems I've no choice in the matter.

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