Anyone used relate,what can i expect

[45nanny]

Hi thinking of using Relate has anyone used them, do they really help . Have talked and talked to partner about our problems , but we seem to go nowhere. I think we need a third party to help , he has now agreed.
What experiences have you on mumsnet had with these people , do they help.
Thanks.

Have only had our initial 'consultation' type appointment with Relate and it was very good.

The counsellor was very perceptive and really helped us to focus on the real issues.

H and I do actually talk quite well on our own. But having a 3rd party really can help you focus your thoughts and also, will encourage you to discuss the more difficult issues, which you probably tend to skirt around.

Have heard a few positive stories on here about Relate.

I do think it's worth a try for you.

Good luck

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Only went to one Relate initial appointment, and was so distraught I couldn't tell whether it helped or not, but did go with then husband to private counselling sessions which really did help even though I wept through at least half of them. The benefit was that we didn't get put on a waiting list, we could be seen in a matter of days, and we were able to come to a decision eventually about our future and move forward. We separated, but at least we had explored all the options.
I agree that you are able to discuss issues through the counsellor, Relate or any other, not directly to each other, definately the best way when communication has entirely broken down.

Me & DH went to Relate a couple of years back when he had trust issues and our marriage nearly fell apart. We found it really helped. The initial appointment and 2nd appointment didn't get us very far, just got a lot of things off our chests and in to the open. But it made us realise where the other was coming from and what we stood to lose. I found it really helped and by the 3rd session we had managed to climb over a huge mountain! But I will say that it will only work if BOTH parties want to do it and open up. They can go in to some depth and open up a whole can of worms you didn't realise was an issue.

HTH and Good Luck

If it helps, I made an appointment with Relate years ago when my ex and I were in the pits. The appointment came too late for us (we split up before it came around) but I went alone anyway and it was the best thing I've ever done. I ended up seeing the counsellor six times and it really helped. If I needed to I'd do it again in a flash.

Anyway, if you are having probs how much worse can talking to a third party make things? Even if it doesn't suit you eventually it is certainly worth a go now.

Good luck!

Sx

a third party makes it real to both people. stuff yo accept as a norm between yourselves you both know is unacceptable in the real world.

so saying stuff outloud - realising you are completely embarrassed about it - and working through it from there.

its just that extra person in the rooom makes the difference

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