Want some feed back am I wrong

[gettingtiredofthisworld]

So one of my partners siblings is married with two kids, I like the sibling, but their partner lives in her own bubble and really does not make any effort with this side of the family unless it's to her benefit.
So for Christmas and birthdays for the kids they tell us what they children want and these are expensive £100 plus gifts, and we then find them on for sale sites 2 months late listed as new boxed and unused and we stretch ourselves to be able to by these gifts, and then is that money respect on the kids we don't know! We were recently told what to even buy for a christening and that they wanted vouchers not gifts, I hate this, is it the norm now, I fight my partner against this but it's his sibling, what's the deal here?
Should I feel angry about this? They also only see his mum as a cash cow and she's getting fed up too she's only really had a relationship with her grand kids since they know she's come into some money recently, she's had enough now but doesn't want to loose her relationship with her grand kids but I think the wife wears the trousers and the husband is weak and I find it all quite hurtful for her and our family,
as her family are pictured in everything on social media and it's like our family don't matter and at birthdays and Christmas she will not eat any food we make and feed the kids sweets so they won't eat and will stay the bear minimum only to receive gifts!

I don't think I would be happy with her too... she a very greedy lady....I would buy the children premium bonds in their names...stop her from pocketing the money...I hate her too..😈

No doubt if you raise the subject of her reselling gifts then it will cause a large amount of drama and she will probably deny it anyway and cause a further rift within the family.

If you wish to keep giving gifts to your nephews/nieces I would pre empt any further specific gift requests for bithdays/Christmas with a polite but firm message saying that going forward you will be setting a strict spending limit of £x amount. You do not have to give a reason as to why and if she is rude enough to ask why do not be drawn into giving her an explanation. It is incredibly rude to expect relatives to purchase specific expensive gifts unless the relative in question has set the budget of the gift themselves.

The MIL/DIL situation is tricky but I would stay out of it as you could be drawn into further drama

Kill her with kindness on family occasions and rise above her grasping entitled behaviour.

Just buy what you want to buy. Your partner must see it too. We didn’t buy gifts for my husband’s nieces and nephews other than a token at Xmas. There’s nine of them there’s a limit!

Don't spend more than they spend on your kids or that you can easily afford.

Well, you all seem pretty sexist - the problem is your BIL.

It really wouldn’t matter what the relationship with the SIL was like if you weren’t expecting her to regulate gifts and meet-ups. That should be your BIL’s role. You are all just blaming her. Deal with him.

This gifts is just a small part of a big problem, my partner won't say no to what ever his brother wants, and I'm not getting in the middle of it all, I just feel for mum in law that unless she can provide cash for them they shut her out which is so unfair and hurtful, she is going to talk to them but they just cannot see outside their 2.4 family and I know people say just let them get on with it but it's hurtful to people at the christening the took over 100 photos of them and her family and not one of ours even the m in law paid for it all

She sounds like a very selfish woman who only cares about what she can get from everyone. I would stop the cash and expensive gifts. Get the nieces and nephews vouchers for a day out to soft play or cinema etc, that way they will actual benefit. Definitely reduce the monetary value of gifts and buy what you want

my partner won't say no to what ever his brother wants

In that case you have a DP problem. If as you said the cost of the gifts that your SIL is demanding are stretching you financially and you said it was unacceptable going forward what would your DP do? Would he compromise or prioritise his brothers request before your household finances?