Work Crush... HELP!

[Olivesandpip]

I am expecting to get a lot of hate for this...

I am in a long-term relationship 10+ years, unmarried due to complex family reasons. I am happy in my relationship, like all its not without its faults and troubles but he's my high-school sweet heart and I truly do love him and can't see myself spending my life with anyone else, he is my best friend. That is what makes my feelings all the stranger...

At work a few years back a new guy started, and instantly we had a 'connection', so many similarities and a physical attraction too. It seemed just a silly girlish crush to me at first, as in I admired his looks and charms but wouldn't contemplate letting him or anyone else know it. He actually reminds me a lot of my partner, looks and mannerisms. My DP also met him a few times and commented on how he 'ticks my boxes', in a jokey way. (Oh the irony)

Although there was a bit of playful banter, I made sure nothing ever came of it, but by the end it was becoming clearer to the two of us that it was a mutual attraction. So I started to deliberately try and stay away as he seemed to start gently pursuing things like inviting me out for lunch or making on the nose comments about how I look. A friend of mine also commented on the way he would bring me up in conversation and apparently also watch me while we worked. (Should add I declined any trips out with him because I didn't want to disrespect DP or entertain any of his passes).
After around 18 months working together he got a promotion and moved jobs, and we cut ties from there (I deleted his number and changed my own not long after because I got a new phone) But it upsets me that I have thought often about him, I've even dreamt of him, and the thought of him has occasionally crept into my mind when I'm intimate with DP... I can't stop feeling guilty about it. At Christmas a colleague group messaged myself and a few others from work to send well wishes, and he was included in the chat. I just knew that it would trigger things for me again, which it did, and seemingly also for him as after that he messaged me asking after me again. I ignored the text.

Recently he has made contact with me again, on social media, to congratulate me on a recent promotion. I feel like although it has now been years I still can't move on. I'm ashamed about it and deeply troubled by it because as I say, I love my DP.

It sounds strange, but in some ways I wish something had happened because then I might be able to move on from it? It's not that I want a relationship with him, it's purely a sex thing... Which I can't understand, as it is so unlike me.

I don't want to disrespect my partner but I just don't know how I can move on from this. I am totally lusting after him, and being in contact with him on social media again makes it harder, because of the photos it's all the more real for me seeing him.

Help help help.

Bumping

It wouldn’t be as good as your mind is telling you.

It isn’t worth pursuing. Forget it.

You need to cut contact. Block him. How would you feel if your partner was lusting after another woman like this?

You're doing all the right things, I can't offer advice!

Hopefully someone wiser will post and point you in the right direction.

Although it would seem that something is missing from your life. You're bored?

I did find myself in this position.
I didn’t hold back and an affair started.
Honestly, the sex was a real let down at first. Totally built up in my head.
But the overpowering connection we had was mind blowing, he was my perfect man. I was so in love with him .I probably always will be a little.
It’s complicated and much to long to explain the details.
But trust me you are doing the right things. You are saving yourself a lot of pain.
It almost became obsessive between us. Well not almost ,it did.

If you can , try to take some time to realise what’s missing from your life . Are you happy and fulfilled in your job, your love life, your hobbies, your friends, your wellbeing ?
Do you like yourself?

The last months have been a catalyst towards me changing my life. Doing things that make me happy. Job change etc. I am great full for these changes now. I realise I was so bored with my existence.
I’m not quite there yet but I am getting there.

If I hadn’t of met him, I probably would have taken much longer to realise my unhappy state.
But a messy affair. If I could undo that bit I would.

The man does still try to make contact. We go a few weeks and then he raises his social media head again. So I know he’s struggling too. Or maybe he’s just selfish and not the man I dreamt of being with.

The picture we build of people in lust can be very distorted. I put him on a pedestal, he was my answer, my cure ,before I had even figured out what my ailments were.

Be strong do it the right way round. If you both find yourselves single in the future that’s great you will have nothing to lose.

Concentrate on you first, do some soul searching.

Hope this helps ,it’s only my experience and yours is unique to you.