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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How will we survive

9 replies

Relationship1 · 22/07/2019 20:34

Ah god I can’t believe it’s come to this but I have know one to talk too, I have been with my girlfriend for 15 years have a 4 year old who is the best thing in my life, but the relationship with my girlfriend is in a bad place, she says it’s not me (that old chestnut) but she has zero libido we not had sex in 15 months, for the year before that probably every couple of months I put it down to hormones after the baby. But it’s driving us apart No more than a odd peck on the lips she doesn’t come near me no cuddles no affection what so ever I feel like a tenant, she doesn’t let me near her if I try to hug her put my arm round her in bed she fobs me off, she says she still Wants to be with me but but there’s no affection at all. I someuyhink she’s just hoping I’ve had enough and I end it so she’s not to blame that the little un doesn’t get to see mommy and daddy every day

OP posts:
31RueCambon · 22/07/2019 20:36

Split up and co parent asco operatively aspossible. No point pushing water uphill

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/07/2019 20:39

You won’t survive as a couple, it’s dead on its feet and if she won’t discuss making changes you don’t have a choice but to end it. You can hopefully have an amicable split and parent your child well together. Sorry, it sounds shit.

No one owes anyone sex but it’s very unreasonable for one person in a relationship to take it off the table and expect the other one to just accept it.

hiddengem86 · 22/07/2019 20:40

Maybe your partner feels If she cuddles and shows affection that you may try instigating sex. Have you chatted to your partner and suggested her going to the GP.

Relationship1 · 22/07/2019 20:46

Have suggested gp but she thinks it’s peri menopause and she has said that she doesn’t want me to think it’s a green light if she lets me cuddle her, but just want some affection I shouldn’t even have to ask

OP posts:
groundanchochillipowder · 22/07/2019 20:48

Time to move on.

Relationship1 · 22/07/2019 20:52

Your probably right but I’m sat here playing with little in and I don’t want to miss out on this time, I also don’t want to throw away 15 years of a mainly happy relationship

OP posts:
CatInADoghouse · 22/07/2019 21:01

That really tough. A relationship can still have intimacy though without sex. Have you tried talking to her and telling her that you really miss her and miss the intimacy. Maybe ask if you could try and get a bit of that back with sex completely off the table so she doesn't feel like she would be giving you the green light at any point. She might feel pressured by your attempts and be pushing away.

Relationship1 · 22/07/2019 21:08

I have tried that I honestly think she’s trying to push me in to a corner and hope I end it I’ve mentioned that we need to change and we should see someone she refuses and has basically said if I don’t like I know where the door is

OP posts:
M0RVEN · 22/07/2019 21:11

So you’ve tried to discuss the issue and she refuses? So your only options are

  1. Leave and co parent
  2. Stay and put up with it
  3. Stay and negotiate a compromise, like an open marriage ( assuming she will discuss even this )
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