Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Any advice on moving forward?

5 replies

Bumbumchuckennuggett · 22/07/2019 20:15

Am new here. I would really appreciate some advice, I’m sure there are some that have been in similar situations. So I have 2 kids, age 9 and 6 and live we with their dad, my partner. We’ve been together for 13 years. It’s not a happy union anymore and I desperately want to separate from him. He is a heavy drinker which has caused all sorts of problems over the years ( approx £5-600 per month on booze) he is generally very lazy and happy to sit in the chair or go out whilst I have brought up the kids. I’m not a high earner and have worked part time since having my boys, I’ve asked to increase my hours at work but my manager has said no not now. We are not married because his best friend (who is an alcoholic) doesn’t like me as I’ve objected to the drinking and so he refused to be his best man so my partner said if he is not best man he doesn’t want to get married (there have been many other reasons aswell) I did once want to marry him but not now!! My question is I guess how do people survive financially after a separation like this, I have no savings of my own although I am on the house deeds. My salary gets eaten up by the house and kids ( we have no joint account, his choice not mine) so not a lot of spare cash. I feel pretty desperate and trapped. Either I spend my life unhappy with an alcoholic or I live on the bread line. Would appreciate any advice

OP posts:
susan82 · 23/07/2019 01:39

Hello, oh my love I really feel for you. I would suggest leaving him. You can do this. You deserve so much better and so do your children!! He sounds a very selfish man. Could you visit your Citizens Advice Bureau as they could advise on things like any help you'd be entitled to. There is support available, they will point you in the right direction. Do you have any family or friends you can stay with as a short time thing while you get sorted? Here if you need support xx

hadthesnip2 · 23/07/2019 01:53

Leave him. You'll find a way to cope. Benefits will kick in & he'll have to pay you maintenance. Lifes too short to be stuck with a drunken slob. Take a different path & see where it takes you. It cant be any worse than the one you're on.

Joy69 · 24/07/2019 07:02

Leave him if you're unhappy if you can. As Susan82 said, visit the Cab, or you can phone them. I have 2 kids, work part time( childcare issues or I'd go full time) & receive benefits (child tax & working tax credits) You may receive help with your rent too. I can manage on the money I'm getting, my lifestyle has changed & I have to budget alot, but I'm happier doing this than in.an unhappy relationship. It seems daunting, but you csn do it.Lots of advice n here to. Good luck Flowers

Bumbumchuckennuggett · 24/07/2019 19:52

Thank you all for your replies. Your words are reassuring and joy69 it gives me hope that you have/are doing this and happier for it. If it comes to it I will ask him to leave the house rather than me. I don’t think it will be a surprise to him as he knows how I feel about his drinking. Another concern I have is the effect on my sons. He can be manipulative and he often makes me look/sound like the bad guy to them (such as coming home after a few beers, winding the kids up before bed then telling them mummy’s mean and doesn’t allow us to have fun). I’m pretty sure he will say it’s my fault that he isn’t at the house anymore. I’m going to get some advice from Cab as suggested as I think just having that info might help me feel stronger?

OP posts:
susan82 · 27/07/2019 09:31

Let us know how you get on!!!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread