How would this make you feel?

[keepthemcoming]

My DP falls asleep on the sofa every single night and will come to bed at random times, sometimes 2am, sometimes 4am this morning at 6am I got woken up to him finally coming to bed. This has been going on for months now and it's getting me down. I'll go to bed and ask him to come with me and he's just like yeah I'll be up soon whilst currently falling asleep and I'll be like please cause you're already falling asleep but he just ignores me. If I ask him to come to bed before the falling asleep stage he'll say he's not tired yet.. I'm beginning to feel like I live on my own.
On top of all that I get home from work and he's on his xbox, he'll be on it for hours so I end up sitting upstairs on my own (currently doing this right now) and it's the only tv we have since he hasn't sorted out the other tv since we moved. I'll go down hours later and he'll turn the Xbox off after I've moaned and moaned and then he'll put a film on that he knows I wouldn't want to watch and will say all's I do is moan but I literally feel like I'm on my own. He doesn't talk to me he just sits there on his xbox or watching a film and then sleeps on the sofa.. We have a baby on the way and it's getting to the point where I'm wondering why I'm with him and then remember we are having a baby so can't exactly just up and leave but I'm miserable.. Anyone else going through this or is it just me?

Well it would make me feel like I was fully justified in up and leaving him.

You deserve better than misery.

I would feel like kicking him out for sure, have you tried to have a proper conversation about how much it bothers you?

I was going to say it sounds like he is trying to avoid you. But then you said you were pregnant . Was the pregnancy planned?

It sounds miserable. Do you think he would be up for a Very Big Talk?

Is this a recent change? Has he always done this since you moved in together? Could it be that he's so used to living alone that he's yet to adjust? If that's the case, then hopefully a frank conversation would be sufficient to make him realise. Me and my XH always used to go to bed at pretty much the same time, but towards the end of our marriage he would stay up when I went to bed. In hindsight he had already checked out. Because he had always previously gone to bed at the same time as me, it was a very obvious difference when he stayed up every night. I hope that's not the case here.

We've lived together for around a year, there's always been times where I've felt like he's distant, doesn't talk wants to do what he wants and I'm just kind of there but since living together I've noticed it more because we're always together apart from when we're at work. I've talked to him about it before and he just says all's I do is moan.. Then he'll come and apologise and be all sweet and make me realise that's who I fell in love with but it doesn't last long. Our baby was very much planned and he's excited about us having a child, however he never asks how I'm feeling or anything. I forgot to mention how when I'm talking to him whether it be something serious or even telling him a funny story he'll literally sit there and ignore me and I'll have to repeat myself only to realise he's actually ignoring me on purpose.. I've brought this up to him before as well and he literally doesn't care and says I'm rude because I'm talking over something he's watching or if he's concentrating on a game.. but the thing is that's all's he does so when does he expect me to talk to him? I feel like I just need to get this off my chest (hence why I'm writing it on this) it's driving me insane and I would love to just leave but it's not as easy as that.. I wouldn't tell anyone in real life about all of this because they think he's the perfect guy and that we're really happy and I'm very embarrassed about the reality of it all..

Honestly, @keepthemcoming - what are you doing with him?

When did you decide you would settle for this?

Sorry but he doesn’t sound like he is excited about having a child if he deliberately ignores you and doesn’t even ask how you are.

Op this is why you have to wait before planning a baby

It is only going to get worse , I'd leave asap

What is he doing late at night when your in bed? Is it a gaming addiction? You need to talk to him now or leave him. I promise you will feel a thousand times worse with a new baby and are sleep deprived and he still acts like this. Go and stay with a relative make him see you mean business he gets one chance to change his rude ways. I would be scared in your shoes right now and be coming up with a contingency plan. It's not going to improve once the baby arrives. Sorry to be so blunt but babies put a huge strain on even the most strong and stable relationships. Hope it all works out.

I completely agree with what you're all saying.. I spoke to him earlier and he just tried to turn it all on me as if I'm the problem because I'm always on his case and I'm starting to realise that this is just the way he's always going to be and it's obviously something I'm unhappy with.
He's genuinely asleep when I'm in bed he'll fall asleep whilst watching tv at night, I've gone down to him loads in the early hours to try get him to come up to bed and he's just spark out. Might pour a jug of cold water over him tonight when he falls asleep on the sofa as I know it's going to happen again!

I feel I am duty bound to admit I share the bedtime (non) routine of your DP.
My DH tends to go to bed really early around 9pm due to a 5.30am wake up time. I’m just not ready for the day to end so I stay up and, inevitably fall asleep on the sofa. It was 4.30am last night.
It has nothing to do with not wanting to be with DH but, like you, he does complain he feels rejected. We just are on different time zones. In my defence, he is the boss so could choose to start his day later and he needs 8 hours sleep and I need about 5.
I should point out that having a partner who has less need to sleep can be a great advantage with a newborn - my DH was never disturbed in the night because I was usually awake in any case - and thankfully it hadn’t been a deal breaker as we have been together 30+ years.

Actually, I suppose I do agree with @Peakypolly about not wanting to go to bed at the same time. My DP also does to bed early as he has to be up early, and I don't always feel tired at that time. What I tend to do, though, is go to bed at the same time as him for a cuddle and then sometimes get back up and go to the living room a while later. I have previously fallen asleep on the sofa when doing this. I think if it were just the not coming to bed with you and falling asleep on the sofa, it wouldn't be such a problem. But it does seem that even your waking hours aren't spent together as he'd rather be doing something that doesn't include you. That's the aspect that would get to me the most. He doesn't seem to be able to compromise. As much as he may be blaming you and says you're always moaning, it doesn't seem to be without reason and he should be listening to what you're "moaning" about.