Wtf is wrong with me?

[Hidingtonothing]

Had a tough time the last few years, a traumatic event followed by PTSD and depression, I'm improving now but have ended up very isolated and have lost all my confidence. Started taking DD to a new activity recently and kind of hit it off with one of the other mums, there's limited chance to talk so it's been quite low key but I like her and can see us being friends and I get the impression she feels the same.

All good you would think, except now the activity has broken up for summer and she's messaged me asking about meeting up over the holiday and it's put me into this ridiculous flat spin! I know it's no big deal, a perfectly normal thing to do and it's me with the problem but it's just made me want to run away and hide

I have become so socially awkward and I don't quite know how it happened, think it's made worse by the fact that all my 'friends' pretty much deserted me when I was at my lowest and the only new friendship I've pursued since then screwed me over and then ghosted me so my trust in people is zilch. I'm scared, stupid as that sounds. Scared she'll realise I'm a socially inept fuck up and then it will just be awkward at the activity, and scared I'll let her in and then she'll betray me.

It's actually really upset me that I've reacted like this to such a trivial, normal thing and it's making me feel that maybe I've not come as far as I thought. Not sure whether I want people to agree I'm being ridiculous and give me a talking to or whether I need someone to say they can understand why I'm feeling like this and help me unpick it but I'm going round in circles with it on my own.

I have felt the same, it can be hard to let people in because then you're vulnerable.

It won't hurt you to meet up with her and have tea or coffee, quite casually.

All the best.

She obviously really likes you and knows she'd miss you if she didn't see you over the summer. I'd agree to meet and enjoy yourself.

Do an activity together if you meet up, that way you don't have to think of things to say.

You're not a fuck up! You're just vulnerable and anxious. Meet up with her. Most likely you'll both enjoy it. She wouldn't have asked if she didn't already like you. The key might be not to set too much emotional store by the meeting, then she can't betray you (I know what you mean). Think of it as just a nice one-off coffee or trip out. If it turns into another one, then great. If not then it wasn't meant to be.

I totally get it. Even a minor event that mirrors a horrible event in your past triggers the same fight-or-flight response you developed the first time round.

I always find it helps my anxiety to walk myself through what i’m actually scared of and all it’s possible consequences. So you go for coffee. You do something that makes her think you’re a socially inept fuckup. Not thinking of any small talk? Saying something non-sequeter-ey? Saying something that sounded funny inside your head but random or insulting outloud? Remember, you have already chatted to her for a while and not done anything heinous so the chances of this happening are very slim. Even slimmer are the chances that she cares - she already likes YOU or she wouldn’t be suggesting meeting up. That includes the you who gets things wrong or hesitates or dithers. And the majority of the population are generally well disposed and forgive easily (although that’s not always the impression you get on MN).

worst case scenario - if it is awful - you make it through a coffee, you don’t suggest another, you have the whole summer holiday to hide from her, and by the time term comes round you have a plausible “Oh, i don’t really remember” take on the whole thing. Problem melts away.

Best case scenario - none of the above VERY unlikely things happen, you have an innocuous cup of coffee and a lovely chat which you enjoy.

Definitely meet up (obviously if you want to). You never know, she may be in/have a similar situation as you. You can't be that 'socially awkward' as you put it as I'm sure she wouldn't have wanted to meet up.
Just don't give too much of yourself initially if you know what I mean. I'm still great friends with Mum's I met at my DD's activities and she 15 now.
It's hard not to see the good in people if you've been treated badly. Try not to overthink it and just enjoy a potential new friendship x

I've calmed down a bit now (thank you!) and am planning on messaging her back and saying yes I just shocked myself I think with how strong a reaction I had to something so ordinary, bit of an unwelcome reminder that I'm still not 100% maybe.