Dp getting funny with his bro before we've even gone away!!

[babayjane67]

Hi
I've posted about dp before.sorry don't know how to link them.
We are going away for 10 days next week,staying with dp's bro&family.i rang them yesterday asking if there's any food stuffs they want us to take over that they can't get there so he said cheese,meat pies,certain crisps etc.crisps&tinned pies are fine but we would have to buy the cheese&fresher stuff in the supermarket at our airport before we leave which dps bro said is fine they've done it.
Well dp went right into one straight away saying we're not doing that!! We are NOT doing any shopping once bags are packed!I don't wanna be opening bags to get their bloody shopping in!!
I was like piggy in the middle&dps bro said well if it's too much trouble don't worry about it!
Dp stormed out&left me to it!! His bro said don't worry about it luv I don't wanna start a fight with anyone it's fine.phone call went in fine after that though dp didn't even wanna talk to his bro even before he went off in one!
His bro does drink alot alot of the time&he was a bit drunk at the time&still drinking.so he can talk a load of twaddle when he's like that BUT for dp to just go off on one about it I thought was ott!!
I said to him afterwards I wish I hadn't bloody said anything now.there was no need for that! He said well I'm not having him speaking to me like that saying it's too much trouble coming out with his crap!!
I said we haven't even gone over there yet&you're off!!
It made me feel quite anxious&&like I really don't wanna go! I've been up&down about going anyway due to how we've been last few months.maybe I'm just making too much of it?? We don't see them very often maybe couple if times a year when they come over.rest if the family all live here.
This will be the first time we've gone to stay with them for 5yrs.
I dunno it just unsettled me!

I can understand his point. I certainly would want to be buy food on the way to the airport. There is too much else to do and worry about.

But the reaction to it was huge. Haven’t read your other thread, but is that typical?

We can get the crisps&tinned pies beforehand&pk them it's just the cheese&fresh meats we would have to get in the airport but yes I can see that that would be a pain to do.
It is pretty typical yes.not all the time but alot of times.

Simple solution I do all the time. Buy the day before, pack last minute from the fridge with a ice pack, they'll still be fine.

Don't know where you're flying from, but I don't remember seeing many places offering fresh meats and cheese to take on holiday with you in Duty Free? I'm purely interested on that one. lol

I’d check as very few countries allow fresh food to betaken in and if it’s a long flight it will be stinking by time you get there.

Themad he said they've done it before&it's been fine.
There is an M&S there so can buy it in there.
Flights less than 2 hrs.

Bookworm, you're correct.

I've done it for the last 14 years though into France and never once had it taken off me. Security at UK Airports won't stop you with it in your bags. I expected them to, they don't care. So it would only be if you got stopped on your way through customs at the other end and then yes you could get it confiscated/fined. But if we're talking meat/cheese I presumed it was short haul within Europe.

I said we could take the freezer pks in the small cool bag we have maybe&do it that way but dps not interested.he doesn't wanna do it full stop!

Yes it's a short haul flight within Europe.
It's more dps ott reaction to it that I'm posting about.

If that reaction is fairly typical then that must be really hard for you. I imagine you are walking on egg shells waiting for the next inexplicable outburst.

Are you thinking of leaving?

Ps. Bringing food stuff to others is fairly standard in my family. So the request is fine. It’s the reaction.

To be honest, it does sound like a bit of a faff. And will take up a fair bit of space in your luggage. I can understand your DH not being keen. If they're only 2 hours flight away, can they really not get these things where they live? (Pies may be tricky I know but crisps? And cheese?!)

The reaction is way off. And if that's the start of it, before the holiday... yeah.

Is he always like that, or does it seem to be the visit/relationship with his brother that's the issue? I can't really tell.

Presuming OP is in England. I bet it's stuff like cheddar cheese, and bacon and proper British sausages.

All difficult or very expensive/impossible to obtain in Europe.

Aussiebean yes I'm up&down about leaving &have been for few months or more now.
We did have a big blow up couple of months ago &itold him how i feel.
I got him to actually sit down&talk about things.told him it could be the end of us after 12 yrs.
He did talk a bit which is a breakthrough as he usually turns it round on me&its all my fault!
He is talking hit more than he was but nothings really changed.ive thought of saying cancel the hol or I'm not going etc but now it's next week&it's too late!

Do the brothers actually get on? It doesn't sound like it. Is there some unresolved issue as that would explain your DP flying off the handle? 10 days staying with them is quite a long time unless they have a HUGE house and you get on well.

As I've said hes not always like it but is like it alot.
Yes it is bacon pork pies sausages etc they're after.
They get on but because if the way his bro is when he's drinking talking twaddle etc dp can't stand to put up with him at times.

I'd let him go alone and use the time to sort out your future. Do you have kids?

Your DP is being a baby. A trip into M&S at the airport, ten minutes tops. You can't turn up empty handed and if that's the stuff they want, that's what it would be best to get. It's such a non issue.

Sleeping I'm very tempted to but think it would definitely be the end of our relationship if I did! It was my idea.it took me a good year to persuade him to go!he didn't think there was any point!not because if his bro.
Yes we have a 10yr old DD.
Enclume I feel we can't turn up empty handed either. Whereas dp doesn't think it's a problem&reckons we don't even have to take our own shampoos shower gels etc as we can just use their because they'll have plenty of nice ones!

There’s more to this. What’s going on with him and his brother?

So is he planning on just eating all their food and using their toiletries without contributing? Please don't do that.
Hosting is hard work and expensive. Just take the food.

they get on but because if the way his bro is when he's drinking talking twaddle etc dp can't stand to put up with him at times

I can’t see that the brother has actually done anything wrong? It sound like your husband wants a free trip at their expense?!

Righteous there's nothing going on as such.i think dps bro is the sort of the black sheep of the family.i remember his other bro telling me a couple of yrs ago that he always likes to be centre of attention.
I've always got on ok with him.he can be a real good laugh.he can also talk rubbish!! They're like chalk&cheese he&my dp.
Carlywurly no when we stayed with them 5yrs ago we took stuff over they asked for &took our own toiletries.
We also paid our fair share of meals when we are out.
Ive no intention of freeloading from them myself! I've already told dp I will take the toiletries DD&I use it's up to him what he takes.

Toddman are u around as u read my original.post few months ago&gave some very good advice.

@babayjane67 you need to summon them using the @ symbol

E.g.. @toddman if that is the exact username.

Ok Enclume thanks!
@ Toddman are u around?