Grandparents and visits

[Stopthisshit]

Can I just ask your opinions. Whose responsibility is it to ensure that children see and know the grandparents. Is it the parents or the grandparents. Grandmother is healthy, has free bus travel although we do live a distance away. But never sees her grandchildren. I have 2 children, my husband is disabled and struggles to travel and my son is disabled. I work full time.

If GP wants to see them, they need to make the effort. You are working FT. Are these your parents or your in laws?

Hi thank you. It’s my in laws. She hasn’t visited for years. I have initiated meet up half way between ours and hers but she has cancelled at last minute. I have offered for her to travel part of the distance by bus and I would collect her to save her some time on her journey. But she agrees but never arranges this.

If we do go and visit we need to book accommodation which is expensive and money is limited to husbands illness. If she visits us she can travel and stay free.

She is not fussed about seeing us, say knows we are fine but my children are asking why they don’t see her and are now blaming me for lack of contact

We have never had a fall out and speak weekly on the phone.

How old are the children? Tell them a version of the truth at least - that going to see granny is really difficult. When they're old enough they'll work out for themselves that she's just not that interested. Her loss.

I facilitate my parents and I normally go to theirs as I prefer to leave somewhere when I want and my partner deals with his mum but we normally all go visiting together. Very rare either parents will pop to ours which I love tbh lol.

If your circumstances I would expect you go to hers one time and then she comes to yours etc but you can make someone want to be a grandparent.

My oldest is 12. They speak to her weekly, we share birthday and Christmas. She just has no desire or need to physically see them. She has another grandchild who lives less than a mile from her who she never sees either. Her parents got fed up doing all the visiting too.

We moved away almost 9 years ago and for the first 5 years we visited 4 or 5 times a year. She has been here 3 times.

I wouldn’t bother being so proactive. Even at Xmas.

In your circumstances I’d say she should travel and you invite her. I prefer my mum to visit us as she’s retired and has much more time to travel while I work full time with young children and find 4 hour round trip of driving at the weekend knackering.

Imo give up until the dc is old enough to catch the bus /train. When they get a less than enthusiastic welcome they can apologise to you...
Back away op. You are wasting your time...

I have this with my In laws. We have to go to them in order for the grandkids to see them. It's been 2 months since we've seen them. They are both retired and in great health. I've learnt to just let it go.

I think I accepted this years ago but am now questioning myself due to my daughter being upset about not seeing her grandmother.

She has been retired for many years so has no real ties.

Maybe the idea of a dgm is more appealing to your dc than the real thing?
Start up some fun activities that you don't usually do together. Fun with dm can be just as good!

My kids saw more of their GPs that lived 150 miles away than the ones who lived 5 minutes away for the first 6 years of their lives. Some GPs just aren't interested. Time for some age-appropriate honesty OP - we've asked your gm to visit but she's not accepted the invite and it is really difficult for us to visit her due to money/distance/time/work etc

It’s up to the GP, unless they are housebound or otherwise unable to travel (even then there is the phone, cards, etc to help maintain contact).

I do coordinate when my mum visits our dc (she lives abroad so though I don’t ask, I do facilitate coordinating our schedules as she stays with us when she’s here). I have never once been in touch with my MIL about visiting. My dh does from time to time coordinate time for her to visit or we wait for her to be in touch. She lives 1.5 hours away so it also takes a bit of planning. We don’t chase her up though and I don’t care that much how often we see her so I don’t get involved (there is a bigger story here, she didn’t see dc for about 2 years at one point due to some issues of her own that we felt were a safety concern related to our dc).

I think you need to find a diplomatic but honest reason to explain to your daughter why she doesn't see her grandmother very often. It's not fair that she blames you.

If a GP is not interested you can't change that.

Your 12yo is old enough to know that granny is welcome to come round but has declined the offer. Explain that there's not enough space at her house for a visit.

It sounds like you have plenty on your plate.?