Wrongly processing how I feel about people.

[LineDried]

I have a real problen with identifying and processing my feelings for people.

My feelings are often extreme - I either really like people or I really dislike them. I can go off someone quite easily, even someone I've been friends with for a long time and equally can develop very strong feelings for people I've previously felt quite ambivalent towards/uncertain about. It doesn't happen with everyone so I'm clearly seeing things in these people that result in these strong responses but mis-processing them.

I wondered if anyone else experiences similar?

I can cope with the going off people element because I just cut off the friendships and, because I now feel quite negative towards that person, I dont feel any loss.

What I'm finding increasingly difficult to deal with are the 'crushes' I develop out of nowhere.

I'm fairly long term single (5 years) through choice and largely because of this.

I dont ever act on the crushes because I know they are temporary and usually inappropriate but, even though I know this, I can't stop them from happening in the first place.

It means I'm constantly having to deal with feelings of 'unrequited love' but am also constantly aware of how I am behaving around people so that they dont pick up on it.

I dont ever feel like I can relax and I and getting really fed up of feeling like this.

I am aware that it's because I'm processing my emotions incorrectly but it's emotionally painful and difficult to be so vigilant constantly.

Is this something anyone else has experienced?

Or any insight would be greatly appreciated.

The whole thing is making me very

I can be like this and it was worse when I was younger. It's linked to my ADHD and impulse control. Have you noticed any other facets of ADHD?

Interesting - I think I am like this but more diluted. Much more towards the crush end than the going off people end as I can't bear negativity or the idea of someone not like me

I've always thought it was that I'm just a very emotionally responsive person - I feel strongly first then it wears off and I think and within a few minutes, hours, months, whatever it wears off and I can approach it neutrally.

I've managed to hold down a marriage but it has been an internal struggle at times as I've had bizarre, strong crushes that I've hated myself for and felt unable to discuss with DH, then they fade, some more quickly than others. My DH is a very emotionally stable person, nothing really moves him and I think that compliments me.

Do you think you could benefit from speaking to someone like a therapist?

Not 'liking' me, sorry typo in first paragraph.

OhFuckingLisaMorgan That's interesting. I was referred for an ASD assessment a few years ago but panicked and didn't attend. I've just looked up an online adult ADHD checklist and certainly recognise myself in some of that.

Esto I couldn't maintain my marriage. I've never had a successful relationship and this is partly why.

The crush thing is particularly bothering me because I currently have 3. One, I don't see very often but very much feel it when I do. The other two are totally inappropriate. One is my friend's husband and I would hate for either of them to pick up on it - it's entirely my issue. The other one is 13 years younger. I see them a couple of times a week and can't really avoid it.

I don't know if I would benefit from speaking to someone. It's not like I believe that any of these men are relationship possibilities. I don't fall in love with them and I'm aware they are totally inappropriate.

I suppose I'd really like it to just stop. The fact I know they don't really mean anything doesn't lessen the emotional pain of experiencing them.

Tbh, it's nice just reading that other people have experienced it too.

I was going to suggest ADHD or ASD, then I thought about love addicts and codependency issues - could there be a link?

You have described me to a T.
I was diagnosed as autistic 3 months ago and this behaviour has suddenly made a great deal of sense to me.

Have you ever thought you might be autistic?

I'm ADHD and have the same relationship with people and things. Intense obsessions at times. Which then snuff out as fast as they came. It's frustrating. And I feel so deeply.

You sound like me. Its exhausting isnt it?

It really sounds like you would benefit from an assessment. Don't see it as a negative, but an opportunity to figure out what causes your behaviours and impulses, and how to manage them better for an easier, happier, and safer life.

i always feel like im arsed about people who don't give a crap about me aswell. Like my feelings are always stronger

I find that I have cut people off quite readily if I felt I have been “wronged” and now I regret being so pragmatic and wish I’d bitten my tongue now.

I tend to form a strong judgment of someone quite quickly and build my like or dislike for them based on that. Often it’s not entirely fair.

I’m trying to work on these things as I recognise I’ve damaged some relationships (sometimes just because a person is in a friendship group) by being too forceful.

Gosh, you have described me! I always wondered if I were autistic but I never considered ADHD.

The feeling too deeply, cutting people off without emotion, over sensitive to noise .... it's exhausting.

I am having therapy for PTSD and may mention it to my therapist. Interesting!