Everyone was taking this situation seriously as it sounded like you had children, and that your father was going to be making an accusation about you being an unfit mother to your children. Even so it might have kicked off an investigation but very quickly it would have been clear that the call was malicious. And they have much lower thresholds for invention etc, as children are so vulnerable.
If you yourself are the vulnerable person, and he would be phoning Adult Social Services, the processes and thresholds are totally different, and you need to stop worrying about it.
As you are an independent adult who is functioning well in a normal life (except for having an abusive father!), then what exactly do you expect him to be able to convincingly say? And what exactly do you think Adult Social Services would do about a thinly veiled malicious call about a functioning adult?!
I don’t think you realise what an adult needs to be like to be ‘not functioning’ in order to meet thresholds for adult social care... especially for them to intervene against the adults wishes?! Well, let me put it this way, it’s very, very high.
Not, you’ve had some depression in the past (like a huge amount of the population, do you know how many people social services would have to chase down if this was a qualifiying characteristic?! Half of the social workers themselves would be in that statistic!!!
And also you have a chronic illness that you manage well enough to work, have normal relationships and function as an adult etc. even if you weren’t well enough to work, and we’re desperate to get help from adult social care in the form of carers etc, it’s incredibly difficult to get them to intervene - and that’s people who are absolutely begging for help, not functioning fine and don’t want them involved!
So, unless you’ve missed out something massive here, like you have significant learning difficulties which mean you can’t make decisions on your own future or life (?), or that you are still a child yourself (?), then I can absolutely reassure you that you are panicking unnecessarily.
By the way I am disabled from having an illness, and I receive help from adult social services, so I do have a lot of knowledge about Adult Social Care and the way they work.
It actually sounds like you’re panicking at others judging you for the situation you grew up with, and your deeply unpleasant father. Which I totally get, but you do know, that it’s not your fault that your family is like this don’t you?
You can’t control anyone’s actions in life, and you also cannot be held accountable for anyone else’s actions either. And that includes your father.
Whatever he says, it works the other way too. He cannot control you. He cannot use social services to control you. He’s like the big bad wolf a huffing and a puffing and banging on that door, and you are that clever pig who’s made her house out of bricks, because you are a strong and amazing adult, who doesn’t have to answer to that stupid old wolf anymore! You are safe in your life with your partner and your job and all the wonderful things you’ve built towards for the future... and the only way that stupid grizzled old man wolf can get you is if you open that door and let him in yourself into your brain and heart and life.
Which you won’t, because you’re smart right? So that means don’t let him into your life to do damage to you ever again by meeting him or engaging him, or staying with him. Because he’s a wolf and he’s never going to turn into a cute little puppy dog no matter how much you hope he will!
So move on and away from him, and if he comes threatening like now, you feel strong and safe that he can’t touch you. And you shouldn’t feel ashamed because he’s acting like this again. Ok?
Sorry mixed metaphors, I hope you are getting what I’m trying to say?!
Last but not least... If you’re still very anxious about all of this, I’d suggest going to see your GP.
Two reasons for this: This is because SS don’t have any right or need to come into your life right now, so it would be wrong avenue to contact them unless you’re actually wanting help. On the other hand, your GP is concerned with your health management on a day to day level, and if you ever did want social services to help you, they’d start by talking to your GP. So if you’re panicking about your dad telling lies, your GP would be perfectly placed to say ‘err, this lovely lady is functioning very well and we have no concerns, oh except I see here that she has been abused by her father in the past and is scared about his attempts to make malicious calls etc”.
And the second reason is that your GP might be able to help you with how scared you are about your father, and maybe refer you on to counselling if you want that? Growing up like this must have been awful and you probably need help coming to terms with it all, not to mention working through what’s happening now. Your father is abusive. And you may well need help managing this and protecting yourself by learning how to put up healthy boundaries in your life etc. when we grow up with abusive parents, you don’t learn these things.
Ok, bravo for reading to the end of you managed it!!! I hope you’re ok and feeling a bit better. It seems that your father is a d*ck who gets off on scaring and controlling women. You need less of that and more lovely people in your life!
