Fight night

[bruisednamechange]

Me and the hubby had a literal fight tonight resulting in him leaving...I have a slight problem because I don't know when to say enough is enough. Tonight we played an adult/strip game and it ended up in him throwing my wine away and me arguing/fighting back...literally. I now have 5 bruises and he's left. Dd is at nanny's tonight so no worry there but he took videos of me lashing out against him. I have no video evidence of him doing anything to me but I spat blood on the floor and I have 5 bruises down my arm/wrist/hand...what the f**k do I do now?!

Sounds absolutely terrible. I advise you to go to sleep asap. In the morning you'll have to wait to see if he presses charges.

Who hit who first? He may call the police...

Sounds like you both need to calm down and leave each other the hell alone. You have a kid for God's sake, I know she wasn't there but what sort of example are you setting?! I imagine you don't always wait till she's not there to let rip. Sounds completely toxic

You need to leave each other. This is toxic and worrying that theres a child involved even if she wasnt there. This is not acceptable and you both need to separate.

@plantbased we've never in 8 years acted like this, our dd has never had to witness or be part of this. Complete shock tonight hence the posting...I'm just absolutely stumped now because we've never acted this way before, either of us...where do we go from here??? He's left and I'm now sat in an empty house wandering wtf happened. TOTALLY out of character for both of us

How did it all begin? He threw your wine away? Why? Who hit who first?

@HennyPennyHorror we played a strip game which normally has favourable results...but for some reason he thought I'd had enough (I was fine IMO) so I argued...I pushed him away from the sink when he tipped my bottle of wine away which resulted in him pushing back...it got out of hand then with us both pushing and shoving...he's obviously bigger than me and I came off worse. He got his phone out at some point and filmed me fighting against him but once I was on the floor he left. I saw red and fought a bit but like I said he is bigger than me so his efforts obviously had a bigger effect than mine and I have bruising, he doesn't but he has video evidence. It wasn't a fight as such, just pushing mostly, but I ended up on the floor hence the bruising...a limb ended up smacking me in the mouth at some point (not sure whose) so that's why I spat blood.

That sounds awful!! Were you both a bit drunk? It's not an excuse for either of you, but things do get out of hand when people have had too much.

This sounds completely toxic. If he thought you'd had enough wine you were clearly acting some way he didn't like. However neither of you should be pushing each other. He has done the right thing in leaving. Have you thought about the reasons why you can't seem to say enough is enough?

Have either of you had a bit too much to drink?

Your partner has absolutely done the right thing by leaving. I'm not saying you should split up, but it seems like you both need to have a serious talk about what happened and what you want to do. There may be some underlying issues as you say it's never happened before.

We'd both had a fair bit to drink but like I said it has never happened before. I have in the past acted up a bit once I've had a few white wines but he's always just shrugged it off and we've been ok. Tonight seems to have been a massive blow up for both of us, more out of character for him but I guess after a while he must have had enough and acted on it I've been doing bits around the house to try and settle myself but as I've sobered up I've become aware that this is a massive issue that we've never faced before and I don't really know where we go from here. I guess it all depends on how he's willing to face things when /if he comes back tomorrow.

I say acted up as in I've been a bit lairy/ loud/clumsy

You have both been massive dicks call it a draw and forget it in the morning. Don't get shit faced playing strip again. Everyone fucks up it's not the end of your relationship, Just make sure to talk it through properly.

Honestly, it sounds like he was very unreasonable. Take photos of your injuries OP. Just in case.

If he does try to press charges, that will matter.

If not, if this is completely unlike him, I'd be prepared to hear a reason for his behaviour...the only thing I can think of to "excuse" this is that he's unwell (seriously).

Have you considered giving up alcohol?

Honestly the day I drank enough to hit someone would be the last day I drank anything at all. Sitting down and agreeing that between you might be a start because what's happened this evening sounds absolutely awful.

Time to stop drinking.

Seems to me you were the aggressor. Him pouring out your wine does not excuse you physically assaulting him. This whole situation is alarming and ridiculous.

@HennyPennyHorror he thought she'd had enough to drink, she admits she gets lairy, she pushes him and he retaliated.

How are we still blaming him?

I am confused. You say it was pushing and shoving. But he has video of you lashing out at him?

If it was mutual punching and shoving, how did he also film it? The film will show you both shoving eachother, surely? Rather than showing you lashing out?

It sounds like he has had to shrug off you being a lairy drunk before but this time didnt want to. He wanted it to stop. If he shrugs off usually, I doubt he was throwing the wine out for no reason and you were being perfectly pleasant.

The truth is that no one can say who is to blame (you also have no idea if he has bruises as he left), but I know if I was a lairy drunk I wouldn't keep doing it and think it's ok if my partner just shrugged it off. But then I would sit drinking with a partner who got lairy either.

You need to be apart. If it's never happened before, you might want to work on it. But you cant just get back together and brush this under the rug. He may have a completely different recollection of what happened. I dont know, but I suggest you stop drinking. If drinking makes you a horrible drunk, its probably time you face it.