AIBU or is it just not that great?

[thinkimdonenow]

Normal back story, great guy, great life, 4 kids, blended fam. But it's just too fucking hard.
How much do you bend?
Today he goes out for a drink.. almost midnight, not home, I call as I'm waiting up but it's like FFS, why you calling, I missed the train and getting an Uber. But is actually in a pub.
Not that this happens often. But it's like I can never be pissed off about ANYTHING. Already I can hear the "I never go out, I work hard" shit. Everything is my fucking fault.
I think I missed the stepford wife bus.
Sorry. Just a rant

Do you object to him going out to the pub ?
I wouldn’t like someone waiting up for me when I got back .
Just wondering why it is an issue for you ?

No. I am annoyed because he didn't take any keys because he'd be home for dinner. Because he hasn't been in touch since 2 when he left. And because he's pissed off that I had he audacity to call him 9 hours after he left home and 4 hours after he said he'd be home to check if he was alive

Had you made plans with him?

What time did you expect him back?

I'd rather not be waiting up. And sorry, just a rant. I'm just so fed up right now

TBH if I'd cooked dinner for someone who couldn't even be arsed to let me know they weren't coming home as planned to eat it.

I'd be pretty pissed off too.

Leave the keys somewhere and go to bed.

No way I'd be waiting up for the selfish prick.

NO, YANBU and it's really not great at all. Oh sorry it isn't AIBU. Well anyway - if this happened to me - and I'd be fucking shocked if it ever did, it'd be like some kind of alien abduction or something - Im not sure we'd get past it. It's that level of selfishness and inconsideration. You've got 4 children! You cant just have one half of the couple suddenly decide they're going to check out for 9 hours with no warning, planning or consultation. Even if you didn't have kids, fuck that. Can you imagine ever doing something like that yourself and then getting shitty when your partner objected even mildly? I don't think so.

Hide a key somewhere like under a plant pot, text him to tell him where it is and go to bed. Then tomorrow once he’s sobered up have a serious chat with him. Going to the pub with friends should be fine. Not letting you know that he won’t make dinner and that he’ll be late is disrespectful. A quick text is common courtesy and requires so little effort on his part that there’s absolutely no excuse.

I said I'd pick him up from the station. Eventually text to say did he still want picked up cos I'm going to get my PJs on soon but could wait til later. No response. If it'd been me he'd have been having kittens worrying. I've no qualms with him going out at all. I like me time. And the kids are no trouble. I'm sure he'll pay tomorrow with a shitty hangover which he'll pretend he doesn't have. But I'll be the naggy wife who can't let him let his hair down..

If DP goes out I leave him to it and I expect the same, another time just get on with what you want to do and don’t get into the whole ‘i’ll pick you up/have food waiting’ etc it’s obviously a ballsache to all concerned so just don’t do it

I am super relaxed with him doing anything. I like time apart. I don't want to be waiting up cos the door was locked because he would be home at tea time and wouldn't need keys. It's just another shitty example of another shitty time when I'll be the unreasonable party. He should be out being all manly. I'll stay at home and watch the kids and we will all have a good giggle about it tomorrow.

Jeez sorry that sounded all resentful. It wasn't meant to be pitched at all you lovely folk who took time to respond and offer advice. Thank you xx

Your partner should at least let you know if he's going to be home late, especially when he doesn't have a key. That would seriously piss me off!

I'm laid back about my dh going out. I don't care what time he gets home as long as he let's me know if he's staying out later than he expected, so I'm not worrying. He will always text or ring me to let me know. It doesn't take long to send a text.

Why doesn't a grown man have a key to his own home?

He should take his keys with him at all times - otherwise the responsibility, if he decides to stay out late, is to wait up to let him in without the children being awoken.

Also I'd not offer him a lift from the station. He's an adult and can call a cab.

BTW you mention "blended fam." Does this mean you are parenting his children from a previous relationship as well as yours and he's still being arsy?