But I was abused....

[justanothergirl111]

I've been with this guy for over a year now, I've never been so happy. He treats me right and always tries to make me feel better about myself however I find it so hard to accept his help and love because of a past history.

I was abused and raped by my ex and I can't seem to get rid of all the negativity it has caused me, I feel as if it's starting to affect my relationship with my boyfriend and I feel as if he doesn't know what to do anymore.

I get triggered by a lot of things due to my depression and I think it's taking a major toll on my relationship with him....

What should I do?

I have thoughts of just leaving, maybe he is better off without me or maybe I'm just meant to be alone, I also contemplate if he would enjoy not having me as his girl anymore....

I am in a similar position. I started counselling.

It's all I can do. It's not fair onbdp to have to put up with me pushing him away. My dp is amazing and very patient. I want to get ky head sorted for me and him so we can move forward.

for you.

@Hidingwhoiam it's just so hard.

It's hard to explain to him how I'm feeling.

Sometimes I'm just sad for no reason and he keeps on pushing me to tell him what's wrong and I can't because I don't know myself.

I'm just feeling very low and he senses it.
He's started leaving my house earlier than usual and I feel as if it's just to get away from me..,, 😓

I only get to see him weekends due to his job, so when we spend time together he thinks it's a waste due to me being down a lot of the time.

He's just a naturally happy person and he won't understand my perspective and refuses to listen.

Have you had any counselling or support with what happened?

@category12 I never did. I never told anyone but him and one close friend.

I just think I'd waste my money and I can't afford counselling.

I'm with a wonderful man after two abusive ltrs. Difference is we live together, he listens to me and is understanding. He does his best to make sure I'm happy. I am going through a rough patch mentally right now (I have what's deemed as a complex and serious mental illness). He works occasional weekends and came home at 3 today. He took me out for a good walk and ice cream. He does his best to help me. Not sure but does your boyfriend not want to try and understand?

Try talking to Rape Crisis rapecrisis.org.uk/get-help/ They can offer support and self-help tools. You don't need to manage this alone, and partners/friends aren't always the best placed to help or understand.

(As an aside, I do find it concerning that your partner pushes you for answers about your emotional well-being and yet at the same time you say he refuses to listen to you.)

This is very difficult. Because, he cant understand. Even those of it who have been through it cant understand what you went through, completely. It feels so isolating and lonely. When having my assesment I was asked 'do you ever feel like a failure and like you are letting your friends and family down?' And that was the first time, someone accurately described my feelings.

I also think that alot of people dont really understand that you can be ok sometimes and not others.

When me and dp used to talk sometimes, it was like my tongue had been cut out. I couldnt form the words. I have told him that and now he understands that if I seem down and reassure him, it's not him or something he can do something about he leaves it and listens when I can talk. But you have to explain that to him.

If everytime you see someone they seem sad and down, wont open up and wont seek help, eventually you do give up.

But I am confused about him not understanding. Can you talk a bit more about that?

Speak to your doctor. Also some employers can provide counselling through occupational health. That's how I am accessing counselling.