Been married for 11 years, together for 19. Two wonderful kids and both work full time. We had created a 'team' mindset between us and he was, in my opinion, devoted to me and our future together, I too felt the same.
After giving birth to my first child, I felt incredibly vulnerable and became suspicious of my Husband whom I discovered was texting an 18yo colleague and trying to draw her out to discuss her drunken escapades. I was angry at him over this and found it harder to deal with as I had just had my baby and felt so undesirable. He apologised, told me it was, "only texting".
Time passed, he went out of his way to be a better husband and proved to be a great father.
Daughter turned three years old and I can't explain it, but I had a gut feeling something was off. I have a high sex drive and he would say often he was tired, despite me knowing he was pleasuring himself before coming to bed. Leaving nothing for our sex life. I told myself to stop being paranoid and tried to forget about it but instead it made me mentally unwell. I ended up seeking therapy for anxiety and during this time discovered an 18month back log of daily texting to another female 22yo colleague. (At this point we were both in our mid 30s). The nature of the text were sexual and I discovered this as I could see his messages as he was receiving them.
I felt destroyed by this, he was enough for me, why wasn't I enough for him? Oddly, however, the anxiety lessened with my discovery of this relationship; as I now had answers.
We sought and attended marriage counselling. I learned that he felt 'overwhelmed' by me sexually, that I was sometimes 'too much' and that was the first time I had been made aware of this. The sessions went on but he didn't want to participate in them for too long, saying it was too expensive. We stopped and once again moved forward. He never explained this relationship to me fully and never acknowledge the hurt and pain he caused during this time. To this day I do not feel any true resolution to that 'relationship'. He said they did not actually sleep together, it was "only texting". I firmly told him he has crossed a line.
Fast forward to today, we are still married I spend more time investing in my children and my friendships. Last weekend he, out of the blue, told me he was visiting a friend in hospital and needed to go quickly due to visiting hours. (She was in a mental health facility) Who is this friend? I asked, he mumbled her name and left. Again, my gut feeling started. So I trawled his social media friend lists, to see if I could find her. I did. Her story is very similar to the previous relationship. She has mental health issues. Can be needy. He likes to be there to 'support' but I fear he will cross the line once more. He has called her 'cute' and 'sexy' but sees no harm in this. She also has explicit videos on her Twitter page which tells me her sexual standards on privacy sit elsewhere to mine. I have asked about this relationship. He is dismissive and once again I'm hearing, "it's only texting".
Without starting to delve too deeply, I don't know what to do? I just know I am uncomfortable with the situation and cannot fathom why he cannot see why this upsets me so. He tells me I am making a fuss. Am I ?