Adult daughter problems.

[weleasewoderick22]

I have 3 adult children in their 30's and one child of 11. 3 sons, but it's my daughter that I'm struggling with. She has a ds that I look after twice a week because she works.

She runs a very successful business that is growing and growing. She started from scratch and has worked really hard and I'm very proud of her ( I've told her this endlessly). She was in a very abusive relationship with the dgs's father and the dgs has no contact with his father. From day one I have looked after dgs, supported her, had her staying with me and done all I could to help her over a very bad time in her life. I was also in an abusive relationship with my ds's father and we were very close due to a shared experience.

Fast forward to now, and her life has improved drastically, mainly due to her hard work. She has her own home and a really nice partner and is happy. Her business has gone from strength to strength and she's now had to move to bigger premises. Up until this week I have still picked dgs up from school and had him on Saturdays.

Then last week I was idly looking at Facebook and saw a post she'd written about moving premises and thanking everyone who'd helped, but no mention of me. Then how supportive her partner is ( quite right too). The previous week I'd helped her pack, looked after my dgs, paid her solicitors fees because she didn't have the ready cash and generally tried to help.

When I saw that post I was really hurt as she's done this before, when she moved last time. So I phoned her and told her how hurt I was and all she could say was that she couldn't mention everyone! I also told her that she takes me for granted and she hung up on me and I haven't seen her or spoken to her since.

Sorry For the essay! I just want to know AIBU for feeling the way I do? I brought them up on my own ( Disney dad) so I had/have nobody to support me.

Thankyou crappyday. I'm not very good at seeing the bigger picture and you're right, I'm going to leave it for now.
Thanks everyone, I'm glad I came on here.

It seems to me that things were going fine until you looked at Facebook!

Facebook is not a true mirror to what someone really thinks and feels.
You can't mention everyone on a Facebook post, otherwise it becomes an Oscar acceptance speech. Also, because people have different kinds of friends on there - people from all spheres of their live - they might present a certain 'front' on there, not their most sincere thoughts.

Remember that there is another side. You help her with childcare, but she also had to let you in to do that. How would you have felt if she had refused your help and only used paid childcare? My MIL helps me hugely and has a wonderful relationship with my child, but I had to let her in to enable that to happen - sacrificing a certain amount of privacy and control over my own household. I also make sure that she is there for the nice sides of family life too - the concerts, holidays and special days as well as the school runs.

If you do begin supporting her again I would ask her to set up a calendar or diary for commitments in advance. That is only fair. And stay off Facebook!

The Facebook thing was the straw that broke the camel's back maybe, it was just indicative of her general attitude.

What do you mean by letting her in? She's my daughter, so I've been here all her life!

When she was first pregnant and panicking about what to do ( it was unplanned) I told her I would support her in any way I could. She's taken this and run with it, to the extend that if I can't have dgs for any reason I get a load of tutting and sighing. I already have a child on my own and sometimes I would like a break. But I'm not allowed to inconvenience her in any way.

Stand up for yourself! You're not her employee.

She arranges to go away and expects me to have him by guilting me and leaving it to the last minute to ask

"Not this weekend. I can't"

"But....."

"I understand that, but I've told you I can't"

She only does this because she can. The first time she had to change/cancel her plans will be the last time she does it.

If she tuts and sighs - let her.

I'm afraid she is sounding a bit rude. Did she actually say thanks for the help with the packing, the solicitors' fees etc?

I understand - the phrase 'letting in' was perhaps more relevant to me than to your daughter because I was a mature woman in my thirties and this was my MIL, so a different kind of relationship. But I think the point still stands about considering the different kinds of dynamics that could be in place - if she had pushed you away when she first became a parent, not wanting your support, then you would probably be writing a very different message. When we are close up to someone we see all their flaws, but we also get the closeness.

Ask her to return the money you loaned her, then go no contact until she contacts you. I would not block her on Facebook but I would not read her posts.

She sounds spoiled It has crept up on you and this is as you said the last staw it is fine to stop , My cousin is like this and my elderly Aunt and uncle are still running about after her and adult grandchildren now the Gds turn on the tears or stop visiting if they don't get there own way !