Really struggling with my husband and kids

[Jurassicmuma]

I love them all, more then the world but I really dislike my husband atm. Our kids are 4 and 1, he wanted kids but didn't take to parenting easily, I'm not trying to make excuses for him but he finds it really tough.

He works so hard and he's loves us very much he just doesn't want to actually parent. He's not got a very good relationship with our four yo, shes very full on, doesn't play on her own which can be mentally draining but shes the most amazing little girl. They argue as he always tries to stick a DVD on for her but she doesn't watch much tv. Shed rather play with toys which he hates and now has started to refuse to do. It breaks her heart and mine. It's just while I make dinner or do some tidying/laundry and I beg him to play with her but he just ends up ignoring me and eventually dd will bring some toys into the kitchen and I'll do the voices for them even though I'm not moving them, iyswim. Tbh after all day with them I'd quite like that kitchen time on my own.

He never wants to go places with us anymore as he finds it stressful, I hardly ask him to do anything but he just won't take on any mental load of it.

We went out with friends for a meal last night, my first night out since I had dc2, he got really drunk and just wants to sleep today, on the sofa. I really just wish he'd piss off out of the way. I just feel like if he doesn't want to be involved then I'd rather he went to work or something. My kids are so loved and I'm so enthusiastic about being with them and occupying them but he doesn't appreciate them. He misses our life before kids, I'll admit I've changed so much but I'm not going to change back, this is our life now and they are my world. He just seems so depressed and I don't know how to help. I tell him to go and see his friends for a break but he ends up out late and is tired and grumpy the next day so any respite is short lived. How can I help him? Please be gentle, I'm currently feeling so unloved and just want to cry about how dismissive he's been with dd this morning, I'm having to reassure her that daddy loves her but I can see shes on eggshells and that's no way to be. Maybe he is depressed and needs a Dr

@Musti - farms are not safe places for children.

www.fwi.co.uk/business/business-management/health-and-safety/child-safety-on-farm-campaign-launches-to-reduce-accidents

I started off reading this thread and thinking my own childhood experiences weren't relevant because my father was around all the time and although he didn't play with us as such, he had time for us, and we spent time with him.

I grew up on a farm, and my childhood was spent largely outside - when I could and it was safe to do so, I spent a lot of time with my DF - helping with animals, and generally just being about when he was working. It was a great life for a child.

We do bits of farm work together and that is the time where they enjoy each other's company but it's hard as dh had a different upbringing. His dm used to take him round all farm jobs and shes open now and says she can't believe she didn't realise how dangerous some things were, dh also doesn't see the danger in some things. The time of year we are it's just not always suitable as he's very busy and I worry he won't always have an eye on her, shes only 4. He does love us, I think it's just all the added responsibly and things tondonsince the kids were born he feels he wants the down/chill time he used to get. I keep reminding him that I literally do not stop until 9pm, I think because I'm not out helping on the farm he thinks I'm chilling. I do keep reminding him that it'll get easier and easier but a 4 and 1 yo need my attention. I also look forward to getting out of the current bubble/phase but understand that we've got a way to go yet and make the most of it. I do worry he's depressed because generally I think we have the best lifestyle, sure we're pretty skint and it's hard work but we have a lovely life which I love and I don't know why he can't see it, he just finds everything away from actual farming hard work

It's not all bad though, he can be funny and kind. An earlier poster was right though he doesn't enjoy sharing my attention, I used to work full time and then come home and spend evenings and weekends flat out on the farm. I do still help lots now but obviously can't as much. I'm constantly having to tell both him and dd off for talking over each other. They both want to talk to me and it stresses me out that they ignore each other and other conversations. But how can I expect dd to wait her turn and be patient when her dad doesn't. Although there has been a big improvement in this area of late. I'm just tired of the mental load of parenting all on me