Abusive language

[Chociefish]

For the first time in 9 months my dp has told me to *k **f. He's really stressed about work, among other things with ex parter. I stood my ground and said no. Is this behaviour ever OK? It's a one off, normally he's very loving. Not sure how to handle this one!

Not ok in my book. This may well be the start of seeing his true colours.

I feel quite niave about this despite my years. Could this be his way of trying to end something by provoking me until I boot him out??

Is he living with you then?

Yes we live together

How do you feel about being called a c**t? It will eventually get worse. Nip it in the bud and move on.

I'm going against the grain here and saying that if it's a one off it indicates issues in your relationship not necessarily that he's an abusive arsehole. I told DH to fuck off but we had a 10 week old baby and who he conveniently didnt hear at night but still moaned about how hard it is to have a young baby. How I didn't bury him in the walls of our loft renovation I'll never know. I told him to fuck off which I think in the context was well deserved. We used the incident to shine a light on our relationship and see the issues we had. I would hate to have been labelled as abusive because of that.

The context was he was popped up and ranting about the new guy his ex is dating. We've had issues with his ex and with no flesh on her story I actually think it's a pack of lies from her to get a rise off him. I asked him that because of his reaction did he think he wasn't over her? He went to pull me towards him and I unhooked his hand and said no. Not defending him but I think he was also genuinely shocked she might be dating

Why is he so concerned with who his ex is dating? She's his EX. Another red flag.

That does sound like a shock. Does he have children with the ex? If so he may be more worried about who she'll be moving in to play daddy and exposing the kids to if she's the chaotic type. I think it's hard for a lot of people when your ex is dating someone but I know for DH (who has a teenage child for previous relationship) theres a past history of his ex bringing undesirable abusive men into the household which he understandably gets concerned about.

Leaving aside the language, which I'd be tempted to let go if it's a one off and he's very emotional, what are you doing with a man who is so concerned about his ex's dating? I would dump him for that. He isn't ready for a new relationship.

He doesn't have his biological kids with her just 2 step kids but he was there a long time and understandably carers deeply for them and rightly so

He is not over her, op. Not by a long shot. Cut your losses and move on.