Mutual female friend gives OTT greetings to my OH but blanks me

[SuperBeak]

So here's a weird thing. I'd be interested to know how you'd react in the same situation.

My OH and I have a mutual female friend of the last 6 years or so who we've hung out with a handful of times (she doesn't live that near), including at each others homes. Only each time in the last 3 times we've met up, she's run up to my OH & thrown her arms around him to say hello, proper OTT pleased to see him - but then completely blanks me. I'm literally standing right there smiling with my DD ready to say hello when she's finished with my OH. No "hello", not even a smile in my direction. Weird right? I've always said a friendly 'hello' first, but often don't get anything back, certainly no more than a quick acknowledging glance in my direction. The first time I thought nothing of it, by the 2nd time I thought it was rude, and the 3rd time I'm just downright confused and wondering if I should say something. it's possible she was like it earlier times we've met too, but I didn't notice then as there were multiple people to greet/lots going on.

So, Im pretty sure I've done nothing to offend her. We've spent time in the past talking about various things as friends do, even in between the initial blanking episodes when we first meet up, so I just find it a bit confusing. Especially since my OH & I have collectively have put in effort to be a friend to her. I'm pretty easy to get on with and don't have this issue with any of our other friends, or even friends of my OH who don't know me very well. So why the huge difference between how she reacts to us? It's almost comical at how extreme a contrast it is. Even my OH has said it's weird, and that I should ask her what's up if it bothers me. But I'm at the point now where I'm thinking, can I even be arsed?
I should add that about 2 years ago she broke up with her OH (a former mutual friend) after he cheated on her, so OH and I sided with her, sacked off the ex to be supportive to her the times we met up since the break-up. I should also add, without being descriptive or mean about her appearance, that in no way do I see her as a threat to my own relationship, and I'm not picking up those vibes (OH says not either). So what's the deal?

You already know what the deal is and have alluded to it in your OP.

What's the thing you think it might be that you keep telling yourself "no, it couldnt be, surely, it couldn't be that" ... but that same thing keeps coming back to mind?

I wouldn't like that, I'd feel left out!

Do you both contact her individually via text/SM?

She fancies your husband. This has happened to me and I told this woman straight to back off. She’s relying on you to be too nice to say anything.

I would call her out on it! Not horribly, just:

"hey, hope you're that pleased to see me too!" Or "hey where's mine?" With a laugh and smile.

And I think your OH needs to back you up here!

"Wow, what a welcome! Look out SuperBeak, warm welcome coming your way too..."

"Woah, easy there, you'll make the missus jealous"

"SuperBeak's here too! Come over and say hello!"

Once she knows you've noticed and pulled her up on it, hopefully she'll cut it out.

Thanks simplekindoflife, great suggestions. He should totally back me up with those comments. But I'm not sure I want to meet up with her again to test them out! Lol.

Normally, I'd be with you on this one, my radar for any potential betrayals of that nature is pretty sensitive, but there's no way that a.) he would fancy her, and b.) would have had the opportunity to do anything.
I know they've had some deep and meaningful chats over her ex (who was my OH's close friend, but whom was hiding a pretty dark side) - so the chats, most of which I could hear, were about what a dick he was. And she had her young daughter with her each time we've met up, keeping the kid up with her until she finally turned in for the night.
My OH always messages friends undergoing some sort of crisis, offering words of support etc. He's always been like that, with everyone - men, women, gay, old, fat, etc. And it's possible some may take that the wrong way and think he seems soooo lovely wanting to help swoon. Lol.

Just because you don’t think there’s anything there (sexual chemistry) doesn’t make it so. Be very careful. I had the same situation and my OH of 5 years and completely trustworthy ended up in bed with her. You know why she’s doing this and if it was me, I would not be having anything more to do with her. She’s been bloody rude. Time to cut her off and establish some boundaries. She’s taking the piss out of you. She’s not a friend. Time to go bye bye.

You lost me at 'men, women, gay, old, fat, etc.'

He tell you you should ask her why she does it if it bothers you. So it doesn’t bother him. I wonder why?

A work colleague of dh, did this too me. He still cannot understand why I don't like them working closely, as since the incident she has become more senior and attends a lot of evening meetings with him.
It makes me think, If she was like that with him when I was there, what the fuck is she like alone!!!!!!!

Next time you meet up (if you do), as soon as she starts coming in for the hug, swiftly step in front of your OH and get the hug yourself. Then say "You're always giving OH a big hug and I never get one!". Preferably accompanied by a slightly manic grin.

She is clearly after your man. I would fucking shut this down faster than you can imagine, by NEVER meeting up with her again.

And don't under estimate her due to her looks (or lack of). My first husband cheated on me. I was only in my 20's and stunning (not so much now, ha ha) and the women he targeted had nothing on me in the looks department.

I also know of 2 men who have left really stunningly pretty wives for women you wouldn't look twice at.

I'd be giving her a husband and wife hug sandwich next time.
Sod it - do it!!!!

I would stand in front of your OH, and then laugh.

I was just wondering how your DH would feel if you got an OTT hug from a male friend and he practically ignored your DH.

Personally I think more support would be appropriate here.

I think op’s oh should be the one pushing op in front of him and laughing. He doesn’t seem remotely bothered, which would bother me a lot

Oh dear.

I've seen this happen before. She's marking her territory, isn't she? You need to stamp it out sharpish.

"Hands off, he's mine!!!" should do the trick.

Oh I know one of these OP. She fancies your DH and is trying to mark her territory. A girl used to do this to DH (then DP). We would be in the pub or at a gig watching a band and she would wedge herself between us and then turn her back on me so I'm cast out. It was pathetic and I used to laugh. I felt sorry for her because it was embarrassing.

I know they've had some deep and meaningful chats over her ex

Lol, really? Most men endure those Eastenders relationship chats only under sufferance, I'd have thought. Tbh you are being naive here.

And as others have said, don't rely on any notion that she isn't his type. If she adores him and has female genitals, that's more than enough for most men.

Gay and old and fat people are still fanciable btw.

How rude. Is your H pissed off about it? He should be

OP i know a lot of posters say they think this behaviour is due to her fancying your DH, however I'm not so sure. She has been through a break up but your relationship has stood the test of time. Could it be that she wants to break you guys up? Perhaps she is jealous of how secure you feel and is trying to get a reaction. I don't think she is necessarily after your DH (tho she might be) but it does sound like she is trying to stir trouble in your relationship.

All the more reason for the dh to stop playing into it.

If a man was doing this to me and ignoring my husband I'd be putting a stop to it myself and it wouldn't need my husband to go "back off she's mine"

People are telling you to nip it in the bud and to tell her to back off but it's weird that your husband hasn't done this already. His own a yuans are saying he doesn't mind it.

You both need to cut contact. Is he still messaging her to offer ‘support’? Nip this now, OP.

She is claiming your partner. She sees him as her White Knight, and is setting up a cozy bubble that excludes you. Don’t underestimate the power of the ‘rescuing’ dynamic. It can be quite a heady experience for both the knight and the damsel, and lines can be crossed. Many emotional affairs begin this way.

Your partner allowed her to disrespect you while pouring affection on him 3+ times. He should have immediately made a stand and included you in the greeting. His later response that her behavior was ‘weird’ and that you should ask her about it if it bothered you was inadequate and detached. He would likely have been very bothered if she had ignored him.

Where is his support and empathy for you?