To leave or not to leave....that is the question

[lifegivesyoulemons]

Ok, this is my first ever mums net post so please be gentle with me. I've been with my husband for 19 years, we have 2 daughters aged 10 and 12. For the last 4 years we have had no physical relationship whatsoever - no touch, no kissing, no sex (obvs) because he hasn't wanted to. I am heartbroken and we are now in counselling because I'm about to leave. I have never felt so unattractive, undesired, unappreciated.. I work full time, I am the main earner in the house, I am also the primary carer, and also looking after elderly mother. I am currently signed off work with stress because of all that is going on, and today my husband and I decided to go through the finances to see how we might be able to take some of the burden off me. He then told me he has £7000 of credit card debt he hasn't told me about. On the one hand he says he can change, wants to be with me, love me and look after me, but I just don't believe the reality of it. Any friends out there who can empathise? I need love, sex, companionship, care... do I just keep sacrificing myself for the children? So that they don't have divorced parents? Thank you

What do you want to teach your children about relationships and what are they learning here?.

Sacrificing yourself for them will not do you or them any good at all. There are no prizes for being a martyr.

There is nothing wrong with them having divorced parents.

Whose sake would you be staying for anyway, it could be argued it is for your sake rather than theirs.

What is wrong would be you choosing as an individual to stay with husband because of them. They will not say thanks mum to you for doing that to them and they could accuse you of being weak and putting him before them.

Do not continue to teach your children that a loveless relationship is their norm too. Better to be apart from your husband than to be so badly accompanied. They see you stressed out and unhappy and perhaps even blame themselves. You cannot fully protect them from all this within their home.