Ideas about dealing with difficult neighbours?!

[Booksandmorebooks]

We live rurally. Lovely spot, been here 7+ years. We share a drive with neighbours, which concerned me when we moved in but there have been no problems so far. The neighbours have always worried me a bit as they have fallen out with other neighbours and with the people we bought from (we didn’t know at the time). They alternate between being very nice and very grumpy with us i.e. they suddenly stop talking to us for a couple of days at a time but then are fine. We are pretty good neighbours I think i.e. no loud parties, noisy garden tools etc.

One day a couple of weeks ago, my neighbour’s cat was hit by a car and had to have his tail amputated. My neighbours have gone ballistic at us – think letters on front door, shouting at me in the street. They say it is our fault. I was at home that day and didn't go out at all. We didn’t have any deliveries or post, so it is not even someone visiting our house (not that that would excuse their behaviour towards me).

I have tried explaining this to them but it just makes them more angry. I have said to them that we all have to live together and we don’t want to fall out with them. We have had problems in the past with Amazon drivers etc. driving too fast up the drive, so to keep the peace I have offered to put a speed bump on the drive, sort out CCTV, signs etc. so we don’t have problems in future.

I thought this had fixed it but they have now reinstated an old gate across the middle of the drive to force people to stop halfway down (it’s a long drive!). We already have a “proper” gate a few yards further down, so this means we now have to get in and out of the car to open and shut 2 gates each time we go anywhere. I went and spoke to them and said this was going to be very inconvenient for us. My neighbour responded by shouting at me that that wasn’t his problem and that he would put in another one further down as well if we dared to leave it open.

I am so fed up with them. I have tried to be reasonable but they are being borderline unhinged about this now, especially when the incident that started it all off was absolutely nothing to do with us. Any suggestions about where to go from here? I just want a quiet life with no drama?!

Who owns the Lane? Get legal advice, they can not reduce your right of access

Don’t let them bully you, contact the police for guidance about their threatening and aggressive behaviour

You’re not going to get that peaceful life with no drama unless you fight for it. Go nuclear, scorch the earth they walk on, only then will you silence them.

We’re going through the same with our neighbours. They’ve bullied everyone for years, and think they can bully us

They can’t. we have got the lawyers involved and are in the middle of starting the court action ball rolling.

Blimey, they sound crazy. Have they said why they think it's your fault?

How are gates meant to stop the same thing happening? There isn't a cat alive who would see that as a barrier!

Thanks for your replies. I realise that it does sound a bit nuts when I write it down. Mz - the drive belongs to them, which is the problem i.e we have right of way but they presumably have the legal right to make our life difficult if they want to. First world problems I know, but it is an unnecessary hassle!

Hollow - the gate is so people can't put their foot on the gas as they come up - the idea is they have to stop, open the gate, go through, close the gate (twice). Only thing is we have 2 deliveries a week if that, whereas I am up and down the drive all the time for school, work etc. The neighbours are retired so clearly aren't as bothered about the inconvenience as we are.

Sorry Mz - meant to say good luck with your legal action. Must be very stressful but hopefully all worth it in the end :)

I owned a house with a shared drive once. Never again.

I really wouldn't bother with going legal. It will cause a full-on war, cost a fortune, and won't get you anywhere. You will also be obliged to disclose it as a neighbour dispute in the event that you sell up. Looks like you'll have to deal with the gates. I feel your pain.

You shouldn't have to put a speed bump on the drive if it's not your drive. In fact you really shouldn't - if anything went wrong then you'd have to pay up then, as well.

I just don't understand why they think it was your fault when you hadn't had any deliveries.

Would it be possible to have deliveries made to a local supermarket? Ours has that facility.

God I feel for you OP. Firstly, get legal advice if you can regarding your rights on the drive. Even though they own it and you have right of access, you need to know exactly what they can and cannot do. If you find out you can't do anything about the gates then I would just suck it up. However, I would not engage with them at all. If they knock on your door, don't answer and if they talk to you outside the house, just blank them. I know you don't want to make matters worse but you clearly cannot reason with these people at all, so its pointless trying.
I imagine they love the drama so don't give it to them.
Unless you have legal rights to challenge these gates, just accept that but ignore them going forward.

Also, do not agree to paying for anything to do with THEIR drive. If they try to stop your right of access, then you can threaten them with legal action. However, as another poster has said, this can cause issues if you sell the house. Might be worth thinking about whether moving is an option albeit a drastic one.

Sorry OP, but a shared drive is a total no no for me. It's fine at first, but there are no guarantees that the original sharer will stay a great neighbour as long as you either. And sounds like the current ones are staking their claim!

Did you all have to agree to the gate they installed? And if not why not!

I think I would have a mad party now and then myself lol. (No I wouldn't but would think about it while using the worry beads in my hands)

Sorry for your troubles, but if you don't report it to the Council, I would seriously consider a move. I know that is the knee jerk reaction to such things, but it can sometimes bring peace to your life.

OP, I also agree with you not paying for anything connected with their drive.

I think you will have to suck up the new gate.

If you can't move, get cctv up to record any abuse from them.

Report them to the police and then have absolutely nothing to do with them.

Report them every time they approach you abusively. They are bullies.

I think you could end up wasting money on expensive legal action that will change nothing.

It's their drive.

It’s the same for us, but you have a right of way in your deed transfer and they have no right to place restrictions of any kind on your right of access

If you want to, you can remove any gates and place them on their drive - we have bee told this is what we can do and we will keep doing so as long as we need to.

Our legals are funded on the house insurance. In our case they have “stolen’ land contained in the access area and we have overhead imagery taken over 20+ years to prove it.

If you have legal assistance on your insurance, you can go for this. Ultimately they have to be “informed” as to what they can’t do wrt the access, otherwise your property value will suffer

It’s the op right of access. She has a right to use that without restrictions if none were placed in the original wording of the transfer document

Get the original documents from land registry and these are what you fight for. It costs about £7 and takes a couple of weeks. These people aren’t going to be reasonable and you have a right to your access

Any aggression needs to be reported to the police and you can push for them to act on the antisocial behaviour

Keep a diary

We had something similar many years ago, at the time we were advised that the owners could put gates up as they were not a permanent obstruction - but we had no obligation to close them behind us.

Like I said, it may be their land, but they have no right to restrict access at any time - unless the transfer specifically says so.

We’ve had their signs removed, width restrictions removed, obstructions removed and they have been informed that they can’t replace them as they are within our right of access

It’s ongoing but this is what’s happening legally