Friend's abusive DH. WWYD?

[pinkorchid1]

I have name changed.
Ok I will try and keep this as simple as possible..! Names are made up...

Small newish friendship group. Friend Anna is the 'main' friend who has bought us all together. I see Anna regularly , and Beth and Cath I see mainly with Anna .

Beth and Cath and I went out for a drink. (Anna couldn't make it). After quite a few drinks Beth breaks down and tells us her DH is abusive. Mostly verbal but has been aggressive towards her on several occasions. Police have been called before. She wants to leave but is biding her time for one reason or another. I text Beth the day after to say I was always available to meet, chat etc but didn't say anything specific incase her DH reads her texts.

So Anna has no idea that Beth's DH is an abusive twat. We sometimes get together with husbands, and Anna thinks Beth's' DH is a great guy. Anna and Beth are much closer to each other than me and Cath are to Beth, but Beth has obviously not said anything to Anna.

I don't know for sure if Beth remembers telling us about her DH, but I assume she does. We do meet up with husbands occasionally and this has made it uncomfortable as I don't know how to behave towards him. I don't really want to be nice to the guy.

Should me and Cath tell Anna about Beth's DH?

No. It's not your place to tell. She's chosen to tell you and not tell Anna so you shouldn't be telling her someone else's business.

That's kind of what me and Cath have thought. I think Beth only told us because she'd had a few drinks. But then I think keeping it a secret is not going to help Beth as Anna could and would be a great support to her. But I guess it is her business and her decision?

No. It’s absolutely wrong to tell somebody else. Why do you even have to ask.

I realise you want to get yourself out of what you consider to be a ‘situation’
BUT
Anna thinks Beth's' DH is a great guy.
SO
Do NOT under ANY circumstances tell Anna.
This would have some potentially very dangerous repercussions for Beth.
Do however be open to Beth talking to you.

Yes it's her business her discision. Do tell Anna. Like u said y only know because she had a few drinks. If/when she is ready for Anna's help she can tell her. Anna hearing it elsewhere will only make ?Beth (the one in the abusive relationship) feel that she is the subject of gossip. I would keep quiet. It's too personal and if she isnt ready to let her friends help it wont be useful anyway. Let her tell who she wants to tell when she is ready.

maybe Beth hasn’t told Anna for the very reason that she thinks he’s great. Maybe she’s tried before and has been rebutted.

So the best you can do is to support but not tell anyone else in that group.

Just because Anna got you together - she doesn’t have the first or best claim on friendships!

Sorry that should say decision. And dont tell Anna. Not do. Typing too fast sorry.

Ok that's pretty clear then!
This happen several weeks ago. Cath and I saw each other for the first time again today and both confirmed to each other neither of us had said anything to Anna as yet. Neither of us are interested in spreading gossip.