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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Advice needed. Mum issue

3 replies

Mumissue · 20/07/2019 12:42

I'm a regular here but have name changed as some details could be outing.

Last year my mum found out my dad had been cheating on her for a long time. I won't go into detail but they basically split up and were sorting through assets. It was a nasty split. I took my mum's side as my dad refused to admit he was in the wrong.

Anyway for about 6 months I sat and listened to her rant and rave and cry about him. What a dick he has always been and how he never treater her right. I listened and listened and sympathised. Tbh it got very hard to deal with after a while. It was tough listening to the rants. It took a lot out of me and I offloaded a lot onto my Dh and my brother.
I never once made her feel like I didn't care how she felt or let her know I was tired of hearing it all, I just listened.

Today.. It's a long story but they are back together and things have been smoothed over. I phoned her to talk to her about something. I have issues with my in laws (I won't get into the details) on going for a few years. Every once in a while problems rear their ugly head again. So I phone her today and started telling her I was annoyed over something and I got shut down. She immediately sighed loudly and said "Just forget about them" as if I can forget my husband's family. When I said that she wouldn't put up with it if she were me she just said I'm not in the mood for this.

I'm a bit pissed off about it tbh. Everytime she does something like this I just want to distance myself from her.
Was I wrong to talk to her about it?
It's kind of dawned on me lately that she never actually gives me advice as such, just a general let it go, get on with it...

I always feel I'm a huge disappointment to her. I'm not the type of daughter she wanted. We're quite different personality wise. I'd say she has a better relationship with my sister in law than she does with me.

I'm not going to talk to her about what's happened but I'm sad because I feel like I just need to distance myself from her now.

OP posts:
Mumissue · 20/07/2019 13:28

Anyone?

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 20/07/2019 13:45

Have a look at the stately homes thread and see if anything resonates.

She shouldn’t have used you as a sounding board as the baddy was your father. That is a bad boundary she shouldn’t have crossed.

She also seems a little uninterested in you as a person. It read like this is a pattern.

Try the stately homes thread and see.

Mumissue · 20/07/2019 14:16

Thanks Aussiebean

I do feel like she's uninterested in me. Like I'm not like her so my life is uninteresting.

Dh and myself have had some ups and downs and a lot of bad luck over the years and I used to think that maybe I went on a bit too much but I now don5 think that was it.

As children she never really showed us much affection and definitely never showed my dad affection either. I do kind of see why he sought it elsewhere. Of course I'd never tell her this.

I have read some of that thread before but I'm not sure if she would be considered that bad. I dunno maybe I'm just used to it.

I do think maybe it's time to distance myself from her.

OP posts:
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