Lonely in a new relationship

[ikkledudette]

I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months and I feel a bit confused in the relationship. He only seems to be tactile and affectionate before we are about to DTD. Other than that I have been watching out for subtle body language and he seems very closed off from me. Sits with his arms crossed and doesn't attempt to interact or cuddle if watching tv.

Has anyone experienced this before? I feel kind of lonely in his presence. It's only when we're physical do I feel like we're interacting or connecting.

When you say lonely in his presence, is that because of the lack of affection only, or are there other reasons too?

It's odd, I've never felt this way before, so hard to describe. Even with my STBXH, towards the end of our relationship we weren't tactile, but I didn't feel like this. It's hard to describe. I feel quite lonely when sat with him. It feels like he's not there IFSWIM.

My exh only ever showed affection, if he wanted sex.

There was lots wrong in that relationship but I wouldnt ever be in a relationship like that again.

We would have sex and then he would go back to his closed off self, leaving me feeling like shit.

We talked and talked about it but he never changed.

Personally I would rather feel lonely on my own, than lonely when with someone.

My advice is to end it now. If you feel like this 4 months in, it's not going to get better.

Just because you are in a relationship with him it doesn't mean you have to stay in it.

It's very telling that he's affectionate just before sex and never otherwise. What does that tell you?

He sounds like a cold person at best, and a complete user at worst, to be honest.

I felt like this with my most recent ex, and he was a narcissist, I’m sure of it.

We went away on a couple of mini breaks and I remember the lonely feeling, and it is so hard to explain. He talked to me constantly, and was very articulate...but still. And compared with a previous relationship where we could sit alongside each other reading, and feel completely at peace with him...I wonder if it’s the same.

I’ve had one particular friendship that was the same, she was so sparkly and exciting to start with, and as time went on she was so blank to be with as she really had little interest in anyone except herself.

Sounds more like FWB situation.
It's not good at all for your own emotional wellbeing to carry on in a relationship that makes you feel so lonely.

My OH is like this, in his case it's ASD. He physically doesn't like any form of touching and needs no overt affection. Sex is sex. Immediately afterwards he will leap out of bed to clean up, and then lie as far away as possible.

I've stopped having sex with him as a result. I felt like a blow up doll.