Sick of being treated like a piece of meat

[toffeeapple123]

I live in London, not sure if it's worse here, but I am so sick of all the leering men on the streets and public transport, and even from married men at work. If I dress nicely and modestly in a work dress or even trousers with a blazer, and make an effort, because of a work meeting, for example - around 5-6 men will leer at me on the tube, on the bus etc during a 30 minute journey. And it makes me feel sick - one time, I felt like I was strutting around naked, the way these men were looking. And these are the ones I notice because I am very head down and am not observant of my surroundings.

Last year, I was a dating an emotionally abusive, cold guy who considered himself to be a player. Even he was weirded out by all the attention I would get when we used to go out. One man nearly walked into a lampost because he was staring so much and my ex said 'all these men look at you because you look different' - because I have a mediterranean look.

I'm sick of it, it makes me feel like a piece of meat. I know this won't be forever, there will come a time when my looks fade - and I can't wait!

Despite all this, I can't find a single man to like. I hardly get any interest on online dating because I think most men filter me out based on my age (mid 30s, but I look ten years younger).

Not sure what I want to achieve with this post, just sharing my annoyance I guess. Does this happen to anyone else?

Yes, it does. I live up north but spend a lot of time in London and it’s worse than anywhere else. On a recent trip in the space of three days I experienced:

• being honked at multiple times
• shouted at from car windows
• men not leaving me alone on transport trying to force me to talk to them even when I had headphones in and made it clear I wasn’t interested
• a man coming up when I was looking at the tube map to ‘help me’ when I had zero need of help
• man stopping me at midnight in a bus station asking what I was reading then trying to hit on me
• man trying to sit next to me on a near empty coach at 1am then grabbing me to force me to sit down when I said fine he could sit there but stood up to move elsewhere myself

And more. I wasn’t wearing anything out of the ordinary, jeans and t shirt, any of those occasions. I came home fucking raging. I’m so sorry you and other women have this shit to put up with. I posted about it on Facebook and not one of my male friends or relatives were in anything other than near disbelief. Even the most feminist kind men in my life had no idea what it’s like to try and exist while female.

Yes. You have my complete sympathies. I often feel like it’s time to just wear massive jumpers and be done with it.
And the people that say - you should be flattered! Enjoy it! It won’t last forever!

Hi
I don't get much attention now, but have done in the past at points It is very uncomfortable and people should be more discreet. I hate attention myself so you have my sympathy.

Yes. You'll get the usual "nice problem to have" and "you think highly of yourself 🤨" nonsense, but it really is anxiety inducing. It can be a little like being on stage, scrutinised, when you want to be invisible for 5 mins. And, yes, having a different "look" e.g. a bit ethnically different/exotic makes it 10x worse. It's actually quite tiring and age doesn't necessarily improve the situation. Best advice, get used to it, try to learn to "coexist" with it.

I sympathise, though it bugs me more when dating than it does on the street (I get a fair bit of attention in public but I’m also somewhat oblivious and helpfully, have a great resting bitch face). Every man I’ve ever dated - bar one significant ex - has treated me like a piece of meat. I’ve actually quit trying to find someone because of it. I have lots of friends, who say I have a great personality, but I feel like the men I date just don’t want to see it.

Why would it be worse because I look slightly exotic?

I hear you op , when I was younger this kind of attention made me feel really uncomfortable. It's become easier as I age as it happens far , far less! I'm thoroughly enjoying becoming 'invisible' as the years pass.

Why would it be worse because I look slightly exotic?

It was a reference to your own comment.

and my ex said 'all these men look at you because you look different' - because I have a mediterranean look

It makes it worse because it then draws even more attention than you would already get. It exacerbates the problem. It sucks.

Yeah it happens to me all the time. I'm just so gorgeous. It's a curse.

I live in London and this never happens to me. I must be ugly 😂

Why do you think guys filter you out because of your age, toffeeapple?

Men do filter women out because of age. But it's not because your looks fade. Mine certainly haven't.
It's because they are more intimidated by more mature women.

To be cLear, I still get appreciative looks and chatted up, but not the abuse or aggression And haven't done since my late 30s

It's because they are more intimidated by more mature women.

This.
An older woman's returned-serve of witty repartee can be both accurate and cutting.

I've only ever had this in Bristol! No idea why I'm a hottie in Bristol and nowhere else!

I used to when I was younger. I'm 29 and it still happens sometimes but not as much. My brothers girlfriend is Korean very petite and pretty and just 20, she gets it a lot and even has men touch her or slap her arse on the way past. Luckily she's not shy on telling them where to go.

Why would it be worse because I look slightly exotic?

Because the men who feel entitled to a woman’s body feel even more entitled to it if there is anything unusual or different about that person. You’re ‘asking for it’ by being attractive, exotic looking and dressing nicely. Also having tattoos, bright hair colours or unusual style, having big breasts, having small breasts, being tall, going braless, this is obviously all done to get attention from men.

Fuck off to 666onmyhead and the pathetic comment s/he has made. Women are under constant threat and attack purely by virtue of their sex. PP is right. Big breasts, small breasts, long hair, short, suit, dress, anything gives some men reason to leer. Fucking fed up with it.

I think and hope 666onmyhead was being sarcastic ?