How much do you or your dp hide your phone from sight? Been out of a relationship for years so not sure what's normal....

[PavlovaDiva]

I was married for 10ish years (been divorced for nearly 8 years now). Exh and I had nothing to hide from each other. He would have happily sent messages in front of me and vice versa. We both had pins on our phones but I'm sure I knew his though I never once looked at his phone.

Dp has recently moved in with me though we've been seeing each other a few years and I'm quite taken aback by how secretive he is. If he does message anyone while we are sat say watching tv, he will turn the phone away but even then, he normally goes to the loo or upstairs, messages and then comes back. He never leaves his phone anywhere and he turns it off all the time. This morning he's gone to see his dcs who live with his exw and while I was getting ready for gym, I could see he sat in the car for about 20 mins messaging someone/people.

Other than this, the relationship is ok but I have to admit this behaviour is getting to me - I'm not sure whether it's because I'm not used to someone behaving that way or because he is trying to hide something. Is this normal these days in relationships?

Yeah that doesn't sound normal.I couldn't live like that. Maybe it's time to reevaluate your living arrangements.

That’s extremely strange ....

I will often commentate on my messages, show funny photos etc and same for my husband. We obviously still have private messages but he has my passcode and I have his - usually for messaging when the other is driving.

My dh and I have never hidden our phones from each other. I don’t have a password on mine and he does have one on his, as he has business things on there (banking, PayPal etc) but I know the password anyway (it’s the same as his bank PIN and I’ve known that for years). We don’t have anything to hide though we’ve never snooped on each other’s phone as far as I know. I don’t think that sounds normal or healthy at all.

That isn't normal at all. Me and Dp aren't secretive with our phones at all.

I think that’s odd, especially actually switching it off.

Far, far from normal!

Thanks all. You know when you start wondering whether it's just something people do these days. He's the first person to live with me since exh so it's all a bit new.

I think I will have it out with him later because it is getting to me.

Dh and I are fairly open with our phones. We have the same passwords (because his is an old phone of mine and he never changed it). Neither of us snoop on the others phone, but we could if we wanted to because they're regularly left lying around and we know the password. We'd ask rather than snoop though as there's never been any suspicious behaviour from either party (plus dh's phone is still signed in to my Google account so we often get the same notifications and adverts)

Yeah agree it's not normal.

We don’t hide our phones. I often look at stuff on Internet on his and mines always around.

Yes you must - and watch his reactions carefully, as well as listening to his words. I can't imagine anybody going to those lengths to hide their messaging unless it was for cheating tbh.

Not normal. Most likely messaging other women.

That’s not normal. Neither of us ever hide our phones or hide to text. Why would we if we have nothing to hide? We will sometimes use each other’s phones if one has better signal, or read messages out for each other if driving.

Big red flag for an affair I’m afraid.

Is his ex definitely an ex?

Not at all standard behaviour. I’ve read so many threads on here about people suspecting affairs because their DP has become secretive with their phone, and they appear to always end in the news that the OP discovers evidence of said suspected affair. So I’m afraid it doesn’t look good.

Before you discuss it with him (which, if he is having an affair, will just let him know you’re on to him) you should keep your powder dry and see if you can get any more evidence. Bank statements, credit card receipts etc, or possibly consider some subtle checking-up on his stories and whereabouts.

I’m sorry you’re being put in this position

Being secretive is a barrier to a close relationship so EVEN if its innocent he is choosing to exclude you. The intimacy you hoped for in a relationship just won't happen.

Why did his marriage break up?

Can you ask him who he was texting in the car for 20 minutes and why he didn’t text in the house?

could he move out and you date casually. I think that's suspicious too. I had a dp who would use his phone when walking down the road to the shop. he never used it in my flat but that's as he was hiding me from his family. he was getting divorced.

I can access dh phone whenever I want. I don’t, but I could.

Cheating behaviour. Classic, I'm afraid.

Some men's behaviour deteriorates at life events where they think they've now "got" you. In this case, moving in together.

That he's doing this from the very beginning of living together suggests comfort with that behaviour. Why did his last relationship end?

We know each others pin and often read out texts to the other if they are busy. However there is a difference between privacy and secrecy. If my partner was constantly going to such pains to hide his screen from me it would ring some alarm bells to be honest

Going to the extent of hiding the screen or leaving the room every time he messages is weird and would be a red flag for me.

However, I don't think free access to each other's phone is necessary in every relationship. Personally I would not want my partner knowing my PIN code to my phone and being able to access it whenever he wants because I have conversations with friends about things they might not want my partner to see. I want SOME form of privacy. That's just me.

I second @BitchQueen90

I came onto this thread to say hardly anyone ever sees my phone cos it is always in a bag and I rarely take it out - it's not hidden, but it's not out on view (I'm not big on phones).

Then I read the post. Totally not normal. Having a PIN, wanting privacy? Fine. Furtive behaviour - not fine.

I’d just ask him. I bet his previous partner was a snoop and gave him no privacy