Arsehole things your parents did when you were little..

[Brownwool]

Following on from my thread about smacking - it brought back memories of other arsehole things my parents did. So I thought I'd ask again & compare notes. What random arsehole things did your parents do? I'll start:

Stamp on our toys to break them to teach us a lesson after we'd chipped or damaged something.
I had a hamster called Bluebell & my father had one of those labelling gadgets - he put a large sticker across Bluebell's cage calling her 'Jimmy Rat' - this was not done in jest.
Made me too scared to come out of my room for days on end & no one checked to see if I was ok - no food, nothing.
My brother damaged the head of my father's beloved record player - my father retaliated by smashing up my brother's bedroom..
I had long swishy ponytails at 8yo & my dm gave me a no.3 haircut all over because she hated combing it out - I felt butchered.

When I came home from hospital, she decided I was completely better after meningitis. The effort of walking into the house made me vomit.

I sat on a chair with a washing up bowl and whilst busy being sick, she got some scissors from the drawer and cut a huge chuck out of my hair.

I’m putting this here as I laughed about it to my NHS counsellor (as I was embarrassed) and was accused of lying.

Your counsellor accused you of lying?? That is terrible.

My mum would publicly humiliate us for going through puberty. I developed early and got my period at 10. She would loudly tell everyone that I had my period, even male family members, my male friends and she would shout at me in public for wearing certain clothes because I had breasts and looked 'slutty'. From a very young age she would imply that I was a slut and was 'tarting' myself up for my Dad and any man, really. She accused me of being pregnant all the time, making me go to the doctors for checks and pregnancy tests from about 12 years old (a very gawky 12 year old who was years away from being involved with boys) She was very jealous of me and my sisters and accused my Dad of preferring me to her sexually.

I was mocked and humiliated for any school or personal achievement and asked "So you think you're summat now, do ya?". I was forced to have my hair cut short, she refused to buy us underwear, toiletries or new toothbrushes or school supplies so my Grandma regularly had to step in. Yet she had new clothes, make up, luxury skincare products and spent my Dad into debt.

Any birthday or Christmas money I received was immediately taken as a rent payment to pay them back for the roof over my head. She would destroy our things, throw things away, make up lies about us to tell people to make it seem like she had horrible kids and a hard life. My youngest sister literally didn't say a word until she was 6 because she saw how me and my other sister were being treated. I had anorexia and depression as a teenager and she would cry to my teachers when she was called in for a meeting that she didn't know what to do with such a horrible and out of control child. I just used to read and watch TV and stay out of her way so I have no idea how she reached that conclusion!

Weirdly she's pretty much normal now that I'm in my late 20's and she loves my sons with all her heart and can't do enough for us.

Faked a suicide overdose, arranging herself so I would find her. I was 3 and had no one else there to look after me. Eventually a neighbour knocked on the door and sorted the situation out.

Had a string of boyfriends and would stay in bed with them until the afternoon. I let myself out of the house age 5 on one of these afternoons, because it was a beautiful day. I was dressed in adult clothes that were hanging off me and made it to the town centre before someone intervened and the police brought me back. They were still in bed.

I went to school with holes in my clothes and shoes.

She had an alcoholic suitor who tried to rape me at 15. She knew, and carried on letting him into the house anyway. Because he couldn't fuck me, he'd lean into my face and tell me I had cold, dead eyes while she sat there and did nothing to stop him.

She told me I was a manic depressive, and that I needed an exorcist. For the record, I've never had depression, but she showed all the signs of it. That, and bipolar disorder, and hoarding, and alcoholism.

She locked me out of the house if I ever went out of an evening in my late teens, so I had to break in or sleep outside. She threatened to throw me out of the house allll through my adolescence. I never felt secure, or loved.

There's more, but I've never been able to tell the really bad parts to anyone.

And people wonder why I'm not in touch with her now. Gosh

I am so so sorry for you all. This has made me cry for your lost childhoods. Not one of you deserved even a fraction of the abuse you have all suffered

Grabbed me by the neck and threw me on the bed so I banged my head

force fed me mash potato

Threatened to tie my hands behind my back when I had new braces that made me gag (I kept taking the braces out as I had a phobia of vomiting)

Called me an evil selfish little shit

Repeatedly told me I must like making them miserable when I developed anxiety and panic attacks at 10

Told me I would have to go to a naughty children's home and they didn't know what they had done to deserve a child like me (yet when I met my now husband his parents had lots of lighthearted stories about him misbehaving and mine didn't have any stories about me)

Made me hold a live and very big house spider to "cure" my phobia (I was 5)
Would find and read my diaries and tell her friends what I'd written
Threw away books she thought I liked too much
Told me I was getting something nice for my birthday which would turn out to be nothing, and get angry when I asked about it

My heart breaks for all of you

brown I hope that you are no longer in contact with your abusive parents.

I am nc with mine and she doesn't see my dc. She tried to give me parenting advice and it made me so angry, no way was she being involved.
She tried to convince me as a teen my df was an alcoholic and I should not see him. I did and let him see my dc. She was enraged. Sadly me and df had no real bond and drifted apart. Not seen him for 20 years.

When I was 5 or 6 I developed a problem with chronic "tummyaches" and I would frequently vomit. I now realise this was probably due to horrible stress at home and possibly also being sexually assaulted by older boys at school (followed by moving schools).

Once it was confirmed through various medical tests that there was no physical cause of the vomiting, my stepfather and my mother decided I was doing this for attention and I was punished whenever I vomited. I remember being spanked a lot with water running over me in the bath, being made to go out in public wearing a bin bag with holes cut out for the arms, and being fed vomit.

Separately, my mother and stepmother loathed each other. My stepmother would often slag my mother off and she would tell me I was like her

Childish incompetence was treated as wilful disobedience and obstinence. I would be shouted at for doing tasks to a low standard even when I had not done them before. It was difficult to feel I was doing anything wrong.

Cut off my long plait of hair when I was five with one big scissor cut when she had an argument with my Dad.

They used to do a chant at me when I cried. It involved my name and a descriptor and it was literally whenever I was upset about anything right from a toddler. They'd both do it and if they had friends round they'd get the whole room doing it all shrieking at me.

Go out till the early hours and get drunk leaving us alone every weekend.

Read my diary when I was sixteen then the entire household ignored me like I didn't exist for six months. They'd all sit talking at the dinner table and no one spoke to me or acknowledged me if I spoke.

Threatened me with a carving knife. Grabbed me round the throat so tightly I passed out. I believe she came close to killing me more than once.

Made me the family scapegoat. Everything was my fault, every row, every drama was somehow because of something I had done or stress I was putting on the family.

Loads more.

My dad spent all the spare money in the pub. He had the belief that ALL men DESERVED to go to the pub every night. We wore clothes from charity shops while he was spending all the money on drink. Then he would come home drunk (drinking and driving also!) and just be a general arsehole to us all.

As we got older (me and brother and sister) both my parents got better paid jobs so as well as being spent in the pub, the money went on my parents holidays which were usually at least one week abroad and 3-4 long weekends away every year. While the three of us had to stay with grandparents and not have a holiday.

They also went out together pretty much every Saturday.

I loved singing and drama at school and would sometimes be chosen for awesome roles in the performances the school did each year. Well my dad would refuse to take me back to school in the evenings for the performances because he was too tired. If I ever did make the performance (older brother would take me on his bike) my parents never came and watched.

My last day at primary school sticks in my head for other reasons. Last day at school, sad but excited about secondary school. My parents went to bed around 5pm "because they were tired". I popped to my room at about 5.30 to get a book and found them having sex in my bed. No idea why, they just looked at me like I was an arsehole and carried on. They had their own bed, why use mine?

So many other examples of how they were arseholes, things I've locked away in my head and that pop up every now and again but I try to keep them buried. Because if I don't, I'll let rip at two pensioners and never speak to them again

Some of those are so horrible and I'm really sorry you all had to put up with this in your childhood.

I think my childhood was mainly loving and normal but my mum had occasional moments of doing things that with hindsight were I believe emotionally abusive acts. I don't know why really, it's clear she loved us and was a devoted mother. She provided me with a huge amount of practical support as an adult.

For example she found my diary aged 12 (which I'm sure you can imagine was cringeworthy), and took it over to the neighbours so they could read it. When I walked into the room they all laughed at me. On another occasion when my dad came for his normal Friday night access she declared he smelled of alcohol so he couldn't take my 6 year old brother but I, at 11 was old enough to decide if I was going or not.
I then had to stand in front of my crying dad and say I didn't want to go.

There were other small acts which amounted to a lot in terms of impact to my self esteem. I feel a bit of a fraud on this thread though.

My dad was a high level executive who flew to business trips on private jets which meant there were open seats so either Mother or an (older) child went with him. He had a business trip to Hawaii once and we asked who was going to travel with him and he said No one as Hawaii was a crummy place to go and we would get Island Fever. In reality he was taking his mistress. For the longest time I told people that Hawaii wasn't really a good place to go because you would get Island Fever. I was repeating what he told me when really he was just lying to his family in order to take a mistress with him. I have still never been to Hawaii.

Forced fed me soap.
Covered my nose and mouth with a hand so I couldn’t breathe.
Belittled me, mocked me, ridiculed me, called me names.
Hit me, “smacked” me, kicked me.
Bare bottom “smacks”.
Turning up drunk to take me to the dr’s etc.
Not giving me a house key so I had to stay outside.
Putting locks on all internal doors except my room and the bathroom so I couldn’t use other rooms.

Pushed me down the stairs. Punched me in the head. Threatened me with a gun.

So much abusive stuff......but my dad died 10 years ago and I didn't attend his funeral.....my mum died 1 week ago and I am not going to hers. I feel free and happy now I was told years ago that they were dis inheriting me because I moved away from home and I am glad. They gave me life but they made it miserable and it's sad because they were miserable also. They should have had children because of thier own awful childhoods they didn't know how to give and show love it's a real shame. My daughter is full of love and so am I x

I was the butt of all jokes. Most childhood memories are of her laughing at me.

She played on my anxiety. Like pretending she'd lost our passports when we abroad so I'd get upset and panic. Obviously she found that hilarious.

That's one thing. I could write pages.

Still anxious AF. Still trying to get her out of my life.

My brother and I were adopted young as our birth mum was abusive and almost killed us both. The adoptive parents were not much better.

A favorite for them was locking us in our rooms with no food, drinks or toilet access. Our parents were childminders, the house was always busy yet other parents thought this was ok?!(locks were clearly outside my brothers and mine bedrooms doors).

The favourite "what are you crying for I'll give you something to cry about" (my darling mother)

I could go on but the worst was when my brother died after a car crash last year. It happened 2 days before my birthday and he was in a total of 5 days. Before we were told there was no hope they went back home calmly saying "we're going home. We've said our goodbyes"

As he wasn't married to his partner. When he passed they were the next of kin (ha!) They had full access to his accounts and emptied everything to spend on a holiday. His partner who was driving the car aswell as having to go to court (thankfully didnt go to jail) almost lost his home.

F**k them.