Co-parenting after an abusive relationship

[wikowiko]

Evening everyone,

Does anyone have any advice for dealing with a violent abusive ex who you have to see regularly due to having DC?

I left my ex 5 months ago, after years of emotional abuse and control (which I never admitted was what was happening) turned into violence after having a baby. My daughter is now nearly 9 months and we are both doing well, have a nice calm life. I've been seeing a psychiatrist and am doing so much better.

However, what gets me down is the regular contact I have to have with my ex when he has DD. We are both foreigners in the country where we live so no grandparents etc. to handle handovers. I always take a friend with me but even so I find it really hard to pretend everything is "normal" and having to see him so often. Sometimes the thought that this is going to be my life for the next 18 years really overwhelms me

I feel like he doesn't deserve to spend even a minute with our beautiful daughter and the thought of him eventually getting 50/50 custody is unbearable, though thankfully that's a long way off still.

It doesn't help that he's built up this story where he only lashed out because he was really stressed and just lost it. I know that's not true but it's what he tries to tell me, begs me for another chance. I try to limit communications to the strictly necessary info about DD but it's hard.

Sorry this is a bit rambly, just trying to get my thoughts down!

Take a friend with you for contact visits.

Tricky, I always take a friend with me

OP, he won't necessarily get 50/50.
That is appropriate only for a working, coparenting situation. You don't have that here. See a good solicitor.

Sorry I should mention that I'm not in the UK and they prioritise 50/50 where I live. I might be lucky though the judge we have doesn't seem to care too much about the DV. He might not want 50/50 due to work etc. Anyway that's a long way off still. I do have a good lawyer.

Can you ask a friend to do the pick up drop off for you? If your friend is already there, do you have to go to? Get a diary and you can both write any relevant information that needs to be passed on, your friend could check the diary before giving it to you and if he has written anything inappropriate they can remove it. Can you get a second phone and have him contact you on that so you can turn it off when you need to.
Another idea is could you go to a police station and ask if they allow people to do hand over there if you are frightened.

Australia? It is much more "fathers-rights-y", to the exclusion of what's actually better for the kids.

Still not impossible, but you would need a very good solicitor, specialising in domestic violence situations.

You need a solicitor who is able to MAKE the judge care. The judge doesn't just decide, they listen to the arguments and come to a decision. Most can be convinced if the argument is sufficient. Would you consider having a barrister represent you in court?