I can’t find anyone. Is it me causing this?

[MyBraMyCar]

I don’t want this to sound self pitying but I fear it might!

I am so low tonight. It has suddenly hit me...why am I seemingly the only one single? I am the only one single out of my group of friends, my colleagues, my family.

I’ve been so focused on buying a house, my career, travel, that I’ve hidden behind all these things as a distraction. I’ve done everything that’s recommend for a sad Singleton...I’ve got on with my life and been enjoying it. But time has passed and I’m still alone. I date. Nobody feels right. Is this my fault for not pursuing things? Am I expecting too much? I tend to lose interest after a couple of meetings with people and genuinely just want to get back to my life.

I don’t even feel jealousy like I did a few years ago. I know that any relationship can break down at any time etc etc etc.

But why haven’t I had a stab at it yet? Why haven’t I had the chance to build a home with someone and raise a family? I have tried. I’ve got dating, I’ve focused on other things...time has passed.

I keep thinking that maybe it’s me? In fact it must be me... I know people who have been married and divorced or has three kids since I’ve been single! I feel broken tonight. Not in a mad hysterical way but a silent sad way. Why hasn’t it happened for me?

I didn’t want to read and run, OP - I’m in the same situation and feel exactly the same as you. I’ve never been short of interest, but it’s getting harder as time goes on. I don’t seem to like anyone either!

How old are you? Have you had any relationships to date?

Possibly you have been so focused that you have not noticed when the situation presented itself. You have been busy living life. How old are you?

I’ve had previous relationships yes. Two long term ones that last about 3/4 years each. A couple of year long ones, last one ended a year or so ago and I have dated LOADS. But something in me just isn’t willing to find the right thing...even nice men I am in two minds about. I never pursue things ever. There’s no excitement or eagerness to progress anything. Nothing like there used to be when I was younger.

I’m 35 now and feel like I will never feel happy to have someone in my life and I don’t know why

I'm sorry you are feeling like this but ask what has brought these thoughts ?
Had a friend just got married, or in a new relationship ?
Sometimes the thought of the grass is greener and all that is not always true .
How would you like your life to go ? What can you realistically do to change it ?

" But something in me just isn’t willing to find the right thing...even nice men I am in two minds about. I never pursue things ever. There’s no excitement or eagerness to progress anything."

There must be a reason behind this. Sounds like you are almost self-sabotaging (said kindly, I do the same). Do you actually want a relationship or do you think you SHOULD want one?

Oh sweetie your post really resonated with me.
I have recently separated which i am proud of. I am mainly totally fine and good - even if aomeone tries to express sympathy about my relationship “breaking” I genuinely see it as having ran its course- but recently feelings like a stab in the heart have hit me when I least expected them- a man and woman sharing a glance and a squeeze and saying “let’s go” (seeing how supported they both are and wanting that) or the sheer enormity of being the only one with a financial burden and just wishing I could write on bumble “looking for someone to just share the finances, take the bins out, share the driving”

But two things-

One- a 3-4 yr relationship, of which you have had two, is a successful and longterm relationship including real intimacy. Not a failure. In my (and some whispered other people’s opinions) many longer term relationships should probably, properly, have been this length. Ending doesnt negate its importance or success, nor your success at having it.
2) there is nothing wrong with you because you find yourself alone right now. I was most deeply unhappy when everything externally looked perfect. I hate myself for this but when I was unhappy in my relationship one of the only times I got any satisfaction from my shitty situation was seeing other people at functions and seeing myself through their eyes and how perfect my life looked. I tried to make it true, but it wasn't so I called time. It looked beautifuo then though- i had: an adoring (lazy, cruel) partner, a successful and glamorous (stressful, uncertain, timesuck) career, pretty (expensive with only me paying for it) house, slim (booze diet) figure, pretty (botoxed) face. Now, everything externally looks broken- single mum, 40s, chaotic, botox free, house shabby, less cash, gloss rubbed off- but I know if I am honest that things are more authentic, i am me, we did a good job of seperating, I am less angry, etc.

Never judge a book by its cover and use that cover to judge your own. If you haven't dated someone you like- well I don’t know you so yes this may be a ton of things- fear of intimacy, perfectionism, projection, but it may also be bad luck, paucity of talent, lack of time.

Good luck and give yourself a break.