Compassion for a lazy partner?

[Adelantee]

It has been posed to me that I should perhaps have more compassion for my DP. We became pregnant 6 years ago, very suddenly after not being together very long. DP wanted me to abort, I said no, but that I did not expect him to stick around either if he didn't want to.
He did stick around.
We didn't marry, but had another child 5 months ago.
He is a nice Dad, but not a responsible Dad. And all of the responsible stuff falls to me and quite frankly, I am drowing.
I have to motivate him constantly as he is lazy and makes us late for everything otherwise. He also prioritises certain hobbies and will not back down even ig I am poorly or the children are.

It has been posed to me that he wasn't ready for the responsibility of parenting (nor was I really at 8 years younger than him and only 25 at the time of falling pregnant.) And that he needs time to adjust. DC1 is 5 years old now and I'm thinking, surely that is long enough?

I have learned that he is an inheritantly lazy person who has always been so and I'm not sure much will change. What are your thoughts?

For the record, I am protected financially should we separate with Wills etc, joint names on the mortgage and I am still working.

after going through the options of leaving with a therapist, we bi6th agreed that he could make life harder if we separated and not easier. He has a very stubborn/entitled/ awkward streak

I would be unimpressed with a therapist who sat there and facilitated a discussion whereby a woman ends up feeling she has to stay in an unhappy relationship because her partner is entirely upfront about the fact that he is incapable of taking care of his own children, and would, should he get part-residence, fob them off on elderly or unwell grandparents who are unable to cope.

I mean, it sounds to me as if everyone in your partner's life is heavily invested in facilitating his laziness.

I think you've had some terrible advice, both from the "wise" woman and from the therapist.

You have a selfish, lazy partner. Both of them think you should stay with him. I don't. He's old enough to know better, and old enough for you to know he won't change.

I think you have to make a decision whether to put up with it or to go.

Don’t worry for those things Adelantee, if he is so little fussed about helping with the kids, I can assure you he won’t bother with keeping in touch with the kids regularly, which may sound like a bad thing but it is not necessarily so.

I think you've had some terrible advice, both from the "wise" woman and from the therapist.

Agreed. Your partner hasn't got some kind of intellectual or physical disability which makes him incapable of looking after his own children now, or in the event of a split -- he is choosing not to. He is saying that his children are not important enough for him to prioritise them over his hobby and his laziness (why do I get a strange, psychic sense that the hobby is gaming?), and that you are not important enough to require any respite at all from parenting, you're just some little woman put on the earth to service his needs.

Where's his compassion for you?!

You are 100% responsible for both kids.

Honestly I couldn't overlook that. Laziness is not like being blind or some other genuine handicap. Laziness is a choice.

He continues to choose to let you do everything.

I'm also shocked that a therapist would recommend staying in a relationship because the man might make things harder for you if you left

After you leave a lazy man (or an abusive man or a man who is going to cheat or flirt, whatever) you are from then on making choices that suit you. So it may well be hard at first, and it is, I've been there. But roll on a decade and you're looking at your life feeling relief that what you have is your own, you've no liabilities, you're not cleaning up after a grown man, your kids respect you.