Probably one for a therapist but...

[Wonderofrain]

Why do I find it awkward and uncomfortable when someone is vulnerable and/or making intimate references or suggestions (just flirty chat on a date for instance, nothing vulgar), BEFORE we’ve been intimate?

After we’ve kissed, cuddled, not even sex necessarily, this awkwardness goes away.

I thought this was normal stuff, like anyone would feel like that when you’re getting to know someone. But when dating the last few months literally every man has commented in some way on it...how I can be distant and almost embarrassed about anything vulnerable or intimate.

Why is this?! How can I stop it? When I’m in a relationship I am totally fine with all sorts of emotional stuff and in fact went through quite a bit with my ex and didn’t find it difficult at all.

Can you give an example?

Maybe because people shouldn't be making intimate suggestions to you when you aren't on intimate terms. Or oversharing. Good boundaries isn't a bad thing.

I think we women often just let flirty suggestions slide when they aren't vulgar but if there are times when we aren't comfortable with them then I don't think there's anything wrong with saying 'hang on, not cool with that kind of talk yet'.

Its hard to give an example...I suppose it can take me WEEKS before I will even miss someone. And I don’t know why, I just feel awkward about it! Shy, embarrassed, I don’t know what. But it can sometimes ruin something developing.

If someone was to tell me something sad about their childhood then depending what it was it could put me off them if I saw them in a vulnerable light. All stuff that wouldn’t bother me in reality and in a relationship

Kiss not miss!

I think it's quite a normal reaction. Being a bit uncomfortable or awkward when someone is being a bit overfamiliar as opposed to having a longstanding relationship to you is normal.

I think not kissing for a few weeks is fair too. I mean what's that like, 4 or 5 dates max? Nothing wrong with getting to know someone before putting your tongue down their throat xD

And if someone is telling you something sad about their childhood in the first few weeks, maybe not the best dating chat anyway lol would put most people off.

Don't assume there's something wrong with you just because a lot of men, and people in general really don't respect boundaries. You don't owe anyone a kiss and you don't owe anyone a free therapy session about their childhood issues either lol.

I guess that’s true...I’ve never thought of myself as particularly good with boundaries to be honest! I really want to settle down with someone but I am totally rubbish at just going for it, even with decent men. I’ve become almost set in my ways since buying a house and having my own routines ...

I think you are being sensible and actually they shouldn't be commenting on it. It is not a fault, even if they try to make it so.

Surely if they are decent men the relationship will unfold..if men want to rush you then that isn't right.

The flirty sexual innuendo type chat when I'm in the early stages of getting to know someone always puts Me off so you're not alone there at all.... I struggle with overfamiliarity so soon in the game too, it almost makes me feel like I need to take a step back.

If someone keeps overstepping the mark just let them know it's not something you feel 💯 comfortable with and a decent man will take note. 🌠

Sounds to me like you have healthy boundaries