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Original poster

Still love my ex

17 replies

Moofreemum1 · 19/07/2019 14:17

For some reason it's suddenly dawned on me that I still love my ex!!!
I guess because we have spent time together as a family recently and got on so well I miss it and miss him. We have been split for 2 and half years but always spoke about our son. We both were unhappy when we split our son had issues and hardly slept and we both were so tired and struggled to adjust. So I left because all we done was argue. Now years later we are happy our son sleeps and it's easier. We took him out for his birthday and it was lovely we had such a fun time all together. We spoke in the car just about general things and it felt like old times. Then he tells me he's seeing someone and then I began seeing someone but I just can't shake my feelings for him. All of a sudden I've just realised how much I love him and that I don't think it will ever happen between us again. I feel really sad about it. Don't know what to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 19/07/2019 15:07

Any advice?

OP posts:
Cherry111 · 19/07/2019 15:09

I'd put the feelers out and text him something like "aw it was like old times earlier" and see what he says? Has he been seeing the other person long? Does he ever give you any hints that he might still have feelings for you?

WooMaWang · 19/07/2019 15:12

Thing is, a nice day out to celebrate a birthday is just not comparable to day to day life with someone. Beware looking at it all through rose tinted nostalgia and hope goggles.

snowbear66 · 19/07/2019 15:26

You are probably nostalgic and remembering the good times but there are no guarantees that it would work out a second time around.
Are you sure your problems were all down to lack of sleep?
Just saying perhaps you would get more out of a good friendship with him co-parenting your son in the end, rather than the drama of a relationship.

lifebegins50 · 19/07/2019 15:44

You can still love him but know it isn't right.
I suspect you might be looking back with rose tinted glasses as I think most people do not easily separate if there is something there.

It is so positive that you have a good relationship for your son so focus on that. I don't think it ever works to go back.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 19/07/2019 16:13

I've just found out he's been with her over 8 months and went on holiday with her when he told me he went alone. Although we have still been doing stuff as a family so I had no idea he was with someone. We haven't kissed or anything like that but thought we had been getting on well. May be I am looking back in rose tinted glasses. But he has changed and so have I into better people. I think it could work but I have a feeling now he's moved on

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Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 19/07/2019 17:04

I told him how I felt and he only cares for me as our child's mum. Really hurts. Is it normal to still want to do things as a family even if apparently he was "moved on" or sending old pics of us and our son as a baby? Surely that's a bit confusing isn't it??

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RLEOM · 19/07/2019 17:12

I'd take his feelings as gospel. You've put your cards on the table, he's declined - respect that and forget about him. Personally, I'd avoid doing anything as a family whilst you're feeling this way, too.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 19/07/2019 17:35

Yea I agree I don't think we should do stuff together as a family. I think my feelings have come out again since we have been doing family stuff. They always say you can't be friends with an ex because 1 will always like the other.
Just sad really because we do get on well and I miss him

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Bountylisa7 · 19/07/2019 18:01

You can be friends with an ex and it is good to be on good terms going forward. You will have times when you will need to be together...school parents evenings, shows, graduations, wedding!

I think he has made his feelings clear now though so you need to keep it friendly. If you can’t deal with that then you can’t be too close and the texting etc will have to stop.

Perhaps you need to assess where you are in your current relationship (if you are still in one) and maybe move on from that.

Has he fact he is seeing someone sparked some jealousy because I remember this being a difficult time.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 19/07/2019 19:24

Yea I think I'm jealous too. But I didn't expect it to hirt this much. I think deep down I thought there was always a chance we could work it out

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TanMateix · 19/07/2019 19:32

I guess you were more or less ok until you had such good time on the birthday? If you were, it may be your pride that hurts rather than your heart.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 19/07/2019 19:52

Yea I was ok until then and then he actually asked me if I was seeing someone and at the time I weren't so said no. So I asked him and he said yes which was a shock as I had no clue and he had been with her for over 6 months! I guess having a good time for our sons birthday and then finding that out has hurt. Because I now know there is no chance of us ever getting back together.
How do you get over it? It hurts. He knows me better than anyone else

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TanMateix · 19/07/2019 20:20

How do you get over it? After having my heart broken and reconstructed many times, I have found out that the best way to get over it is to accept you will feel that love for as long as you feel it and try to distract yourself a bit as soon as you start dwelling in the situation.

Honestly, I’m pretty sure this is more a hurt pride after a rejection and feeling a bit silly for telling him how you feel, but as long as you do NOT feel it’s for yourself you will be fine. Grief has to be grieved though, so expect to be a bit sad for some time, it is part of the process of letting go.

TanMateix · 19/07/2019 20:21

... as long as you don’t feel pity for yourself, you will be fine.

Original poster
Moofreemum1 · 20/07/2019 08:59

Thank you @tanmateix I think it's grief for the realisation it will never be and trying to let go. It's pretty hard but I'm sure in time I'll be over it

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TanMateix · 20/07/2019 11:59

It is, don’t be hard on yourself. This is a wound which will hurt for a while but eventually it will come the day when you realise it doesn’t hurt anymore.

The only thing to avoid is dwelling into “what ifs”. What is done and done and I’m sure one day you will look back and agree with yourself that it was best to leave. Nobody leaves a marriage easily, it takes a LOT of courage and determination because you are used to try so hard to make it work. So trust the decision you made, it was the right one. It is sad to see them moving on but it is part of the process. Hang in there Flowers

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