Begged my boyfriend for another chance, he gave me it, now I've changed my mind

[madeahugemistake]

In a fairly newish relationship. Been very up and down, we both have issues but mainly it's me.

I broke up with him three weeks ago saying how I need to concentrate on myself, he gracefully accepted this. I then went batshit crazy on him for three weeks, saying I'd made a mistake, I love him, begging for another chance. He refused to meet me for the three weeks and hardly text. He then eventually agreed to meet a couple nights ago.

He gave me another chance, we talked it out and he asked me to stay. What was meant to be a quick meeting ended up with me being there for 14 hours.

I left, I was happy for a few hours, we text and the texts still seemed a bit awkward even though it was back to normal in person.

Now I've decided I don't want to be with him again. I know how utterly fucked that seems. But the sex is shit, he never takes me out, he points out my flaws. I just feel suddenly so over it and I'm not sure, it was as if the three weeks away from him I put him on a pedestal and then when I finally seen him I just noticed all the things I wasn't happy.

I don't feel like I can text him again and break up so soon as I think he would be fuming that I'm doing it again. And I can't deal with the back and forth of it all.

I left something at his house that I'm meant to collect tonight but I really don't want to see him. It's nothing that can't be replaced.

My question is would I be wrong to just ghost him? I know that sounds awful but I don't think I can face it. I am 100 percent sure I don't want to be with this guy.

Yes, you'd be wrong to ghost him. You would be kinder to just gently tell him that you know it's unfair changing your mind, but it's over and you won't mess him about again.

Tell him the truth but don't go back again. Are you always like this or is it just with him? Finding him more desirable when he's not with you I mean?

You mention that he points out your flaws a lot and I notice you also use the word 'pedistal'. I wonder if you have suspicions that he may be....something beginning with N. Don't want to put ideas in your head that aren't there or relevant but...

If so, how to approach things next maybe need to be a bit different. Because normally I would say it would be unfair to text ditch him again but...he doesn't seem like the nicest of people and maybe doing it in person isn't a good idea. I think ghosting is a step too far either way though. At least properly end it first before vanishing. But if he is a... then end it and block him on everything or he will only draw you back again.

I've always had issues in all of my relationships. I'm in therapy trying to deal with it. But no, it has always been a fear of abandonment so I've wanted to be with past boyfriends constantly and became overly needy and heartbroken when it doesn't work out. But this guy I feel different. The thing is things are great and I feel really happy when I'm actually with him in person but as soon as I leave him I get this sick feeling and like he doesn't really love me and can't be bothered with me so I should leave.

How about not dating anyone while you're in therapy and sorting yourself out? Then you won't end up messing anyone about.

@ShatnersWig yes I think that's wise

You need to tell him.

Ghostkgn him wound be really shitty behaviour.

And dont get into another relationship, until you have had time to get your head straight.

This is the same issue, justvina different context. You became needy and obsessed because he gracefully accepted the break up.

Here's the thing, you might have issues of your own to work on yes. But boyfriends should make us feel good about ourselves. He should compliment you and instead he points out your flaws (not nice). He should want to show you off to the world but instead he wont take you out. He should want you to enjoy sex but you don't and he doesn't care enough to change that.

He isn't a good bf and tbh, it sounds like he is not a nice person. He probably likes that you put him on a pedestal. But at what expense is that to you? Being treated crap and being made to feel crap. So in staying with him he feels good and you feel shit. That isn't a fair or healthy relationship.

Not saying you might not have work to do on yourself. But, do it away from him. And don't let it be an excuse to let someone treat you badly.

Two threads?!

Why 2 threads?

Seriously, take a break from men until you've sorted out your issues. It's not fair.

Just tell him you’re in therapy and you need to focus on that. I suggest you say it would be unfair to him to keep seeing him while you focus on unresolved issues. I would tell him you enjoy time with him, but until you work out deeper issues in your life, it’s unfair to both of you, as you cannot commit to a long term relationship.

Tell him you need to spend some time on yourself.
Ghosting him is making it hang- on and messing with your mind as well as his.

This sounds like an abandonment issue. My partner used to do it. Luckily I'm used to dealing with them due to longstanding friendships with people who do the same thing.

You need to get help for it because without it you will chase and fulfil the abandonment fear over and over. It's also a really shitty thing to go through for the partner of someone who does like this. It's awful actually and it's made me mentally unwell myself at times.

You would be absolutely wrong to ghost him.

Apologise for messing him around and end it there.

Yes it would be wrong to ghost him. It's cowardly and it's not fair.

Do you have borderline personality disorder?

@user1481840227 I haven't been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder but I have some characteristics

Getting deja vu here