This is going to be long, but I don’t want to drip feed. Could really do with some advice as I’ve messed things up and turned into a woman I never wanted to be.
I’d been with my boyfriend for two years, known him for eight, dated briefly before he met his ex and she had their son. Was literally a couple of dates and ended because I think I didn’t have time to see him enough, but I can’t really remember.
It was always a difficult relationship but I believed we loved each other very much and we had lots of good times. I was feeling gradually less secure though, it had been well over a year and I hadn’t met his son despite him knowing all about me, and he wouldn’t go public on social media. There were still photos of him and his ex on there, without their son. She was always very difficult, threatened him with loss of contact but in the end he had him more than 50/50 and danced to her tune. Which I always understood. He is an amazing father and always tries his best.
Fast forward to a wedding we went to of his friends about 6 weeks ago. He got very drunk and behaved awfully towards me. Really hurt me. When he saw how upset I was he was very apologetic but he was so drunk he didn’t really know why I was upset. The next morning he was fine, went on a boys holiday for a week (he goes there every year, no girls just a group of male friends). I was away when he got back, then he had his son for over a week, then he had a free weekend but didn’t want to see me, then the weekend after he came to my cousin’s wedding reception, when we hadn’t seen each other for 4 weeks.
Things haven’t been the same for a while and I feel like he has checked out, basically. He is depressed though, but wouldn’t admit it or seek professional help. This has made me feel more insecure due to my past experiences rearing their ugly head. Last Sunday night I said I was sorry for being so insecure and that it had nothing to do with him, it was my past and I would explain when I saw him. He responded Monday evening with a message saying our relationship was more hard work than enjoyable at the moment due to his issues and that things had changed and weren’t flowing naturally, and he didn’t want to drag me down. I felt so so hurt and flew completely off the handle, now I feel awful. I feel like all the support I gave him has been negated and I’m like the woman I never wanted to be, someone who hassles a man with a child and wants herself to be put first all the time. I’m absolutely gutted and think he deserves better.
After the initial rage I did apologise but I think the damage has been done.
Any advice would be much appreciated, thank you for reading.