Boyfriend and female coworker

[Mudv]

My boyfriend (31) has been messaging his female ex-colleague (23).

I am 29 and have been with him for almost 18months. We worked at the same place. This girl was his colleague for one year. Even though he left, he can't stop talking to her. Regardless of my protest.

Back in August I found out he had been messaging her on Facebook nearly every day. It looked like he really had a crush on her. Always checking she was OK and concerned for her, wanting to give advice, telling her he was there if she needed anything....

I asked him to stop bc he crossed the line. Asked her to smoke weed with him, "JUST YOU AND ME". He promised then to stop when I upset. Initially he lied and said someone was spreading rumours, but I had read it with my own eyes.

On our holiday abroad he was messaging her. I almost had a panic attack. He had sent her photos of our hol (obv without any including me, and photos I HAD SENT HIM). He then said he was going to miss her, and "the times we had" (WHAT TIMES DID THEY HAVE??). THe stab in the heart was saying she was the definitely the prettiest.

Lord give me strength.

Now, 4 months later, it starts again. He has added her again on Facebook and liked some of her photos. He doesn't like my photos or write messages on my facebook.In fact there is no evidence we are a couple as he never posts anything with us!

ALso he secretly asked her to smoke a cigarette in his bedroom (staff accommodation) on his last night at work. He was MIA to me, lied saying he was tired and no mention of this girl. She went to see him.

Please tell me this man is a moron. I need help to get over it. I am completely gutted and have to see this stupid girl at work.

TL;DR
Boyfriend is making me think I am psychotic. Am I being incredibly jealous or is this totally inappropriate behaviour?????

Glad you dumped this loser.
He sounds like a massive twat.

Delete those screen shots. You can’t change the past, don’t drive yourself demented thinking about it.

Nob is gone now, forget him.

Think of your lovely bright shiny future

Or.... save the screen shots. When you feel sad about him, or he tries to convince you they were " just friends", have a look at them and restrengthen your resolve...

Hi lovely. Read mr unavailable and the fallback girl. I read it a few weeks ago and it really opened my eyes.

It's really not easy. I feel good that I have the upper hand and took the right decision. I have accepted that it is over and I don't want it back. But damn, it still hurts. I feel ill with stress but have to ride it out. Can't eat or sleep. Any advice? I heard he's with another girl already. I just want peace.

@musti it's dramatic but this experience has put me off relationships. This is why it's never worth sticking it out with a snake! Choosing wisely and taking your sweet time about it is so important. I hope ladies read this as a warning for any similar situation. It's so so sh*t. I'm moving country in two months I need to speed up this recovery.

He's already with someone?

Ew. He'll do exactly the same to that unsuspecting woman too.....

You are free OP, free of the lying road, of the worry, and you've saved yourself years of heartache by leaving now. Well done

It will get better OP.
Try to keep hydrated and your sugar levels up.
I got by on sugary tea and ice-lollies for a good while.
I just couldn't keep solid food down.
Try soup or smoothies as well.
If you are really struggling with sleep then go to your GP.
Just get a couple of sleeping tablets to get your body clock back on track.
It's a crap time but you sound so strong, even if you don't feel it.
Well done OP.
Onwards and upwards.

@mudv it is still worth reading. You continued despite many warning signs. I wish I had read that book and digested it a few decades ago.

@IamtheOA Apparently yes. I was told he got with someone one month after he left me to go back to Spain (May just gone). I reckon he will survive on casual hook ups. He is not relationship material. F*cking hurts. But yes I am free- peace and my sanity are now available! Thank you for your encouragement

@hellsbellsmelons Thank you for the advice, yes I can't eat meals or much food. I will try smoothies. I wake up in the morning and I want to vomit. I am dreaming for the day that I will be myself again and feel completely fine. Currently consumed by memories of the insults, criticism, punishments and emotional abuse he gave me. I don't know why. Isn't it annoying when someone can be such a rat and get away with it?