Racist parent

[CoffeeBeam]

I'm trying not to out myself, so I'm sorry if it's vague.

Has anyone had any experience with a racist parent? PIL are extremely racist/xenophobic, and suffer from a big case of white privilege. They're unsurprisingly not the type to listen to logic or rationale, however hard dh and I have tried. When challenged, they either don't listen, or just brush it off wit h a 'I know better than you'.
Recently, dh had to tell his parents to shut up or get out, as they started going on in front of our kids. We were then left with damage contro l. Luckily, our kids know their grandparents are idiots, so didn't take a lot of notice. However, it's not right, and frankly we don't want to listen to this shit anymore. We accept we can't do anything to change them.

Both of my nephews (on dh side) are mixed race, so PIL still believe the horrible stuff they say despite having mixed race grandkids.
Has anyone experienced this? any advice, as we're swaying towards the only option being to go very low-contact, as our kids are not going to be subjected to this.

DH told his racist parent that If he ever spouted such crap again then he would never see the grandkids again. That worked.
Limited and highly supervised contact at the very least.

Thank you, I've wanted t o ask this f or a while, but couldn't get up the courage. Whenever he started to go on before, o ne of us would swiftly shut it down before it escalated, we didn't have chance last t ime as it came out of nowhere.

You do have a chance. As soon as it becomes clear what he’s saying or about to say.
He needs to know you find this utterly unacceptable and what the consequences would be if he keeps on.
Good luck OP.

There's a lot of useful stuff about dealing with bigoted and racist family members on the Captain Awkward blog. You might find that useful.

Thank you both. I will definitely look at the website mentioned.
I actually looked on wikihow (lol), but kt weren't quite what I was looking for.
Usually there's an indicator of what's about to come, e.g, Brexit. As soo n as that's brought up, he s told 'not in this house', y'know words to that effect and he stops, and no more is mentioned. This occasion it literally spewed out of the blue when there was a pause in conversation (i think we were t alking about home renovation or something totally boring). Trying to explain that there was none of the 'red flags'.
Fortunately they live quite a drive away, so we only see them once every four or five months.
Thanks again.

My father is awfully racist and homophobic, but will never admit it when challenged.
My brother is similar as he had this drilled into him growing up. I am not as I moved away as soon as I could. You’ll never change them, I moved away and stay away it’s the only way.

@Joyless
Fil "isn't racist" at all. In his own mind. Disgustingly, he uses his grandkids as a trump card to use to 'prove' it.
Dh already said (before I posted this thread) that he's going to have words. If i told PIL, I wouldn't be listened to (what self respecting man would listen to a woman?)
He's going to be given an ultimatum.

I wish you every luck with him. It’s odd that in their own minds what they say is acceptable. I was once told if i “ever brought a black man home I’d be disowned”, I think that was the point I decided to disown myself from them.

Thanks joyless. What you were told is beyond foul. Urgh.

sarah - we have gone "ott" (fil description, not ours) at his comments. I believe on some occasions he's done it to bait dh and I into an argument.
Like your PIL, he hates atheists (which we all are in our household), extremely homophobic, sexist... He claims to be working class, but is a terrible snob. He's thoroughly unpleasant.
Mil doesn't say anything, but will nod her head and agree.

I'll take on-board all your advice, and I'll see what happens when dh has his little talk with them.

If they were in our lives more, they wouldn't be if that makes sense lol. We probably would've stopped contact a very long time ago if it was a regular thing. We probably w ont see them again until Christmas.

I feel your pain OP. My family is full of racists, they're all on the up now as well, the world is turning to their tune. As others have said though, they don't see any racism in themselves at all, to quote Trump they would say that they 'don't have a racist bone in their body '. My mum gets hugely offended if you suggest she's being racist, this would be after she's just said something like 'Romanians just come here to pick pockets and claim benefits for loads of kids they don't even have '.